Why I Regret Weaning My Daughter
I was pretty lucky when it came to the trajectory of my breastfeeding journey. I had no issues with supply, my daughter’s latch was perfect from the start, and I had plenty of supportive people applauding and praising me for my decision to breastfeed.
I breastfed exclusively for six months before slowly introducing solids. During those first six months, my daughter wouldn’t even take a bottle. Every feeding was spent with our bodies intertwined, gazing into each other’s eyes, with oxytocin buzzing between us like electrical currents powering our love.
We continued to do this sacred dance for months- me feeding on demand and her demanding often. There would be morning feeds, night feeds, bored feeds, scared feeds, sick feeds, and playful feeds. Every situation and circumstance I engaged in revolved around my responsibility to breastfeed. I was proud of myself, my baby, and my body for making it work as well it did. I knew I was one of the lucky ones.
But around 18 months, my luck began to run out. What was once easy, effortless, and emotionally enlightening soon began to feel like a burden. Suddenly, I found myself constantly feeling touched-out, testy, and irritated. Furthermore, I was starting to feel as though my constant nursing was taking a toll on my health.
Prior to weaning, I had unintentionally dropped 20 pounds in a matter of months, and my hairline rapidly receded at least an inch. Doctors told me that the cause was both hormonal and dietary, and suggested that my constant nursing was exasperating my nutritional deficits. They recommended that I promptly wean, falsely citing that my baby no longer required my breastmilk to thrive. Sadly, I listened.
Suddenly, my daughter and I started a new dance- a dance in which she cried for my breast, and I cried while refusing. I thought I was doing the right thing, that I was reclaiming my health and my body. Little did I know that the worst was yet to come.
Sudden weaning took a huge toll on my health that extended far beyond hair loss and a more skeletal physique. Suddenly I started experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, sensations that had been foreign to me up until that moment. I cried as my breasts became engorged, and my baby cried for the comfort of her mama. Those days still haunt me, because, in hindsight, I realize that neither of us was ready.
There is so much emphasis on breastfeeding and doing what feels right for you, but I think that weaning needs to have a more prominent seat at the table when it comes to these conversations as well. So many women wean too early or continue breastfeeding despite so desperately wanting to wean, and yet it’s seldom spoken about.
There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to weaning. After all, any amount of breastmilk is a gift to your baby. My only hope is that one day, there will be more resources, help, and support for women who are faced with making this difficult decision.
I wish I had someone to hold my hand, look me in my eyes, and let me know that the hair, the weight, the freedom; it would all come back. That my concerns weren’t frivolous, but that weaning wasn’t necessarily the only solution. At least not for me.
So if and when you find yourself facing this difficult decision, do not take it lightly or let other people decide for you. Weigh the pros and cons. Seek professional advice from a certified lactation consultant. Get a second opinion. Do some soul searching. Dig deep. And remember, no matter which decision you land on, you’re still doing a great job.
Thanks for the post- as a mama who is 8 months in this is something I’ve thought about. In retrospect, what would/could you have differently?
Maybe done down to less feeding? More dedicated times?
Thanks for the insight!
Hey mama. Yes, I think a more gradual weaning process would have been a much better solution for us. I hear that most moms cut out the daytime feedings first, then the night feeds and then eventually the mornings. Of course, whatever feeding is the “hardest” to let go of is so individual to you and your baby, but that seems to be a common experience for many.
i’m almost 15 months in and we have cut out day time feedings and still working on night feeds as we have never gone to sleep without boob. i can’t wait to be done but i’m also dreading being done w this part of motherhood.
Thank youuu, this is so powerful and needed
We did a slow weaning with my daughter who was nursing until after two. She could have it whenever but we would count each side. Like on the right 1-2-3-4-5 and left 1-2–3-4-5. That way my body was slowly making less and she wasn’t just cut off since she still thought she needed it.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was told at 11 months my son no longer needed my breastmilk and it was more depleting for me emotionally and physically than beneficial for him. I nursed him until just after 12 months and he was already refusing nursing. I know your story will help many.
Thank you for sharing this. I am 12mpp with my 4th baby and I know deep down that we aren’t ready to wean, but the superficial reasons tempt me often (I gain weight while nursing) but at the end of the day I know I will never get these moments back.
This was just what I needed to read today 💕💕
My doctor wants me to wean my 15 month old for extra sleep and to try more supplements. I’m fine with the night weaning but I will continue to nurse during the day until we’re both ready. I cry at the thought since he’s my lady baby but I do need more sleep. It’s a short season already and I don’t want to rush it.
I nursed my son until he was 14/15 months. He just up snd decided one day he was done with boob. I am currently breastfeeding my 9 month old daughter and I love the bond of each of my kids.
My baby is almost 15 months old, as of right now I am not fully ready to wean my daughter off, but I am trying to cut her feeding when we are out running arrands. I would like to have her weaned off when she is 2 years old. I just feel like it’s going to be a big challenge to get her to wean off. She literally yanks out my breast from my shirt in public and at home I know it’s going to be a challenge.
I weaned my 4th baby at 2 because she was feeling too heavy to lay on my chest at night which was the preferred position to feed at night. I was desperate so I did the unexpected and tried mustard on my nipples. As soon as a sat down she would run toward me and pulled the shirt down but as soon she got a smell from the mustard she was disgusted and closed up the shirt. I kept applying every time she ask for it. Thinking back 8 years ago maybe it took one day or two and she was done. Now 8 years later I’m still breastfeeding my 2 year old. He is lighter than my 4th baby girl so we will see how long more I will wait to wean.
Thank you for this response Marisol! I have never heard of this idea! It actually made me laugh thinking about it. I nursed my daughter for 20 months with painful latch at least 60% of the time. We did not have supply or growth issues so I did not want to get her tongue tie cut but I should have. We might have lasted longer nursing with way less stress. But i loved nursing her! I tandem nursed about 3 months but I regret the way I weaned her. Lots of tears for us both. She loved nursing and still likes to fall asleep with cuddles and her hands on my boobs which is what we do often. My son is still nursing now at 21 months. I had planned to nurse them both until age 2. My babies refuse bottles/pacifiers. My son had slow growth which is why we had to wean my daughter. I am wanting to be done for the freedom but i also know I will miss breastfeeding. I am trying not to rush it. My son does the sign language for nursing and when I say you want to nurse and he says yeah there is nothing cuter to me in the whole world!
I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant still nursing my 14 month old. My partner, and everyone, is pushing me to wean. I’ve started giving bottles a couple times a day, and he is a great eater…but I’m just not ready to wean entirely. Night time is the hardest for me. I start getting frustrated, then guilty for feeling this way. But at the end of the day I still enjoy those moments. I plan to tandem nurse the 2. At this point I don’t offer the breast but also don’t refuse.
I just had baby number two and baby number one just turned 2 ( they are about 23 months apart). With baby one my goal was to feed until 2 but once I got pregnant and got farther along that got harder and harder for me. I dried up but he would still nurse at night..but I was having to just grin and bear it as I started to hate it. Once my second was born and my milk came back my first started wanting to nurse constantly again..so I am tandem nursing the two..I just think this is going to make it really hard to wean the first one off when that time comes
I was in the same boat. Now my infant is 4 months and other just a little over two. The toddler cosleeps with me and wakes up when the baby wakes up and I get her out of the crib. Trying to decide if I should try and wean her or just get her into her own bed. I was hoping she would self wean, but she is showing no interest in slowing down.
Yes. Cosleeping is actually not recommended by pediatricians. Getting her to sleep in her own bed is safer and she’ll get more sleep.
I struggled in the beginning with my supply and reached out to the breastfeeding clinic. She straight up told me there was nothing wrong with formula. I was there to get support and it felt like she was telling me to throw in the towel. Now, at 6 months, my pediatrician just told me to cut him off and to get on meds for anxiety. I have nightmares, they’re nothing new and can continue until he’s ready to wean. It’s just incredible and so frustrating the lack of support that’s offered with the decisions we make as mothers.
You’ve got this Mama.
This society is so stuck on convenience and the purported “easy” way out.
Try to find support in breastfeeding groups if you still want to continue!
Mama, see your own doctor! I take medications for anxiety and depression and I’m still breastfeeding! I have been for nearly 16 months so far!
Stay strong mama! 💪🏼
Don’t let anyone push you to stop. Stop when you and baby feel ready. Formula is fine, but it’s not as good as breast milk. When the baby’s spit gets on the mama, the mamas body knows what vitamins and things the baby needs and it comes out through the milk. Not to mention the antibodies that are constantly passed from us to them. You are doing the right thing, if it feels right to you to keep going. I also have to take meds for pp anxiety. My hormones are a wreck, but I can’t do anything to fix them bc it causes my supply to start to dry up. I’m like you, though. I’ll just push through until this baby is ready to wean. I’ve also been looked at as weird for not weaning my 11 month old yet. 🤷♀️ Oh well. We aren’t ready. I support your decision. ❤
I also struggle with depression, anxiety and panic attacks and have for years. It got worse as my pregnancy progressed and now she’s 4 months old and I feel better then before I gave birth but some days are still hard. I have the meds but I don’t take them because I too and holding off until she weans. I think I feel more empowered have them in my drawer but knowing I don’t need them now but they are there is I realize I need them. Also my doctors allowed me to fill or not fill them and didn’t give me grief over ir, only support. I’m sorry you have found that but I hope this helps you.
I breastfeed my 4 month old. My hair is falling out so bad does anyone have any tips
Same! Somebody help us! Lol
Omg same I only breastfeed my 4 month old and my hair is falling so much Im taking the baby blue vitamins but I’ve only been taking them for a month so is still falling but I will continue to do for two more months hoping they help a lil I also cut my hair to see if new hair starts growing. Hopefully our hair stops falling soon lol or we eve bald lol
Losing hair during first 6 mos pp is common. Your hair naturally goes through a grow and shed cycle and typically stays in grow during pregnancy so now it’s time to shed.
Hey mama. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m currently breastfeeding my 3 month old son and I enjoy every moment with him. I’m losing so much weight but I’m fine with that as long my son is happy. I’m planning on breast feed him till he wants to stop. I want have a bond with my children more than anything
Thank You for this article. I am currently in this boat and this article has made me feel better about not wanting to wean yet. The pressure from others to breastfeed is intense and then they are equally critical when they feel it should stop. I just don’t feel my LO and I are ready yet and that is ok.
Hi I have been nursing baby #2 for 14 months and starting to feel touched out and kinda over it. My first son nursed for 17 months and self weaned. My goal for both children was and still is to breastfeeding until he is 2 and I know if wean him earlier I was feel so regretful. Thank you for this! ❤
Hi I have been nursing baby #2 for 14 months and starting to feel touched out and kinda over it. My first son nursed for 17 months and self weaned. My goal for both children was and still is to breastfeed until he is 2 and I know if wean him earlier I will feel so regretful. Thank you for this!❤
I appreciate the part about there is no right or wrong answer about weaning. Every family dynamic and situation is unique. The sudden stop sounds very hard for you and your daughter. I do wonder though if the postpartum depression and anxiety had already been present before the weaning, as part of the other symptoms you were experiencing. It’s definitely hard as a mom to balance caring for our kids and taking care of our bodies too. I wish more options had been presented to you to help the other symptoms you were experiencing.
I’m still nursing my 21 month old daughter. I keep it a secret from most of my family because I know they wouldn’t understand and urge me to stop. She’s not ready, and neither am I. So we will do what’s best for us!
My first son weaned himself around 11 months when I started to have supply issues, and my first daughter nursed until 18 months when I weaned her because I felt like I should. We cannot let society dictate what’s best for our babies. We are the ones who know best! Everyone else who has an opinion about how you feed your baby needs to take a step back and evaluate why they feel they have that right.
Thanks for your post!
I am going through weaning my 22 month old son right now. The whole experience is extremely hard on me, I am weepy and depressed. This is something that is never talked about, how was I supposed to know it would be so hard on me. My son is finally eating more solid foods and it seems like he is adjusting fairly well. So I am grateful for that.
The reason I weaned cold turkey is because it was affecting my husband and my relationship and I was tired of fighting him on it. I wish I would have put my foot down and gradually weaned but unfortunately we are too far past that. Please listen to your own body and feelings on this!
I just weaned my daughter 1 week ago. My husband always supported our breastfeeding journey but it was affecting my marriage. Even though my daughter only nursed at night there was never time for my husband and I. I started feeling lonely and resenting breastfeeding. I got sick with a sinus infection 1 week before weaning and I think the exhaustion, the distance in my marriage and being sick just made me snap. I highly regret making this decision. My baby girl has been adjusting fine. She had never slept through the night until now. But I’m not fine. I cry every single night.
My son just turned 18 months and still nurses at nap time and night time. I do NOT nurse unless it’s one of those times. My S/O is pushing me to start weaning him now because he thinks our son is too big for the boob. I’ve been trying to get my son to sleep in his own bed (we have exclusively co-slept) and having to wake up to nurse him is taking a major toll on my sleep. More recently he wants to be latched the entire time he’s sleeping. Using me as a pacifier. I love the bond we share and the moments spent with him, and I don’t think I’m ready to be done yet. I know he isn’t ready. The pressure from other people to wean is definitely real! And man are people judgemental when it comes to breastfeeding.
My first born I nursed for a little over two and a half years. We stopped during the day time but she would not give it up at bed time. Others gave me a lot of grief. But I had no problems with being engorged or hurting and she became independent in her own time. She has all the confidence in the world and smart as a whip. Now my son is approaching two and we are slowly just handing him the sippy during the day. Sometimes even a cup with a straw to make it interesting. I will continue to being his comfort at night but expect him to slowly start pushing away. Dont let people shame you for extended breastfeeding I honestly think this is the most natural way. Your body and baby will tell you when they are ready.
My daughter is 26 months and the last time I nursed her was 1 week ago. I see now that I wasn’t ready. I cry every night because I miss her. She had never slept 8 hours in a single night but looking back at it I rather be frustrated from the lack of sleep than feel what I’m feeling now. By the time I decided to stop she was only nursing at night. Last week I snapped. Exhausted from the lack of sleep and recovering from a sinus infection, I stopped nursing her. I made a paste of ground coffee and vaseline put it on my boobs and showed them to her. She was disgusted. The first 2 nights were hard but by night 3 she was sleeping through the night. But I’m not. I’m sobbing, I’m broken and my heart aches. I was selfish. I promised her I would nurse her until she was ready to stop without me forcing it, but I broke my promise. I made her stop, it was my idea not hers. And for that I feel so guilty.
I know this was almost a year ago for you now but I am so sorry for your heartbreak and hope you are feeling better now. Being a mom (or parent) is so much harder and complicated than advertised! My 5m son and I are nowhere near weaning but reading everyone’s experiences strongly encourages me to continue doing what feels best. Thank you for being vulnerable and best wishes 💕
I am struggling currently with having the desire to wean but knowing my daughter 15 months old (she’s my third) has no interest in stopping yet. I wanna start trying for our next baby in about a month and really don’t wanna be pregnant and still breastfeeding. I have been trying so hard to find any advice possible on how to wean. My oldest stopped on her own at 11 months. My second we had to stop abruptly at 6 months due to health reasons and that was rough. I have so many feelings regarding it but I think I am honestly ready to wean. I just wanna make sure to do it a way that it best for her.
This was my situation. I stopped nursing when I was seven months pregnant. I met with a lactation consultant who gave me advice. It was still a hard choice but it was helpful to have a professional tell me that I wasn’t selfish and wasn’t going to hurt my toddler by weaning her.
Thank you for writing this. I nursed my first daughter until she was two and I was seven months pregnant with my second daughter. My second pregnancy was very challenging and my health was not good. I wonder if it was a mistake not weaning my daughter before/when I found out I was pregnant with our second child. My second child is now fifteen months old and I want to wean her but feel guilty because I worry that I am not giving her the same opportunity I gave my first daughter….Additionally everyone looks askance at me when they see me nursing my second daughter because of her age and are pressuring me to wean her. It’s difficult to know what to do. It feels like a choice between myself and my child and I want somehow for there to be a choice that is the best for both of us, not one or the other.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I read a lot of blogs regarding this topic. Still no babies but preparing myself for the future I assume ❤️ This was very helpful 🙂
Wow, I feel like some might need this. Many people here all are writing that they are feeding well beyond 12 months. I stopped breastfeeding at 7 months with my first bc my supply was low and I was miserable. I loved the bonding but I also wasn’t getting enough sleep and felt super stressed to be nursing and working and longed to feel like me again. I’m exclusively breastfeeding my daughter who’s 10 weeks and hoping to also make it to 6/7 months but I already feel exhausted with being the only source of food. There is no right or wrong time or way to nurse and wean. We need to support each other and if someone suggests formula, know its probably coming from a place of love for YOU the mamma… bc it must mean that the sparkle is lacking from your eyes and your loved ones and doctors might just want you to know its ok to wean early. Again, whatever you choose is between you and your baby. There is no right or wrong timeline but if you are suffering, its ok to stop.
Very well said. Every mama’s breastfeeding journey is different and only she and her baby can decide when’s the right time to wean. Congrats on every day that you breastfeed, mama, because it is hard work! Know that we support your decision to stop when it’s right for you, too.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to feeling irritated while breastfeeding. Especially when baby starts getting teeth. I’m currently breastfeeding my 22 month old in demand and sometimes a cup. He likes to bite sometimes so I’ll get extremely irritated and feel like giving up. I hope to continue on to at least 24 months. A lot of women need more resources and support from their doctors.
Currently still breastfeeding my almost 22 month old son.
For 22 months I have been a source of nutrition, comfort, security etc.
I feel completely touched out constantly now, as he has suddenly had an major increase in nursing demand. Before it was just for nap and sleep and I was very much ok with that, it was on his terms and I was ok with the comfort. Now it seems CONSTANT from the moment I wake up, all day, and all through the night he wants to stay latched to the nipple.
I’m torn between weaning and just riding it out because I can tell he very much is not ok with Weaning.
Iam still nursing my 22 month old I’ve never nursed any of my other kiddos and I’ve never been a over producer I’ve got mastitis more then once and it sure as been a long hard journey but she has gotten the flu COVID and was a premiee yet she in better health then all my other kiddos so when others give me a hard time I rather loose sleep to nurse then loose sleep with a very sick kiddo I almost threw in the towel a few times but kept the journey going
Thank you so much for sharing. It’s so awesome to hear other moms and the support that is out there. I am currently breast feeding and my son won’t take a bottle when reaching out to my job they refused to accommodate remote work when they accommodated remotely while I was pregnant. Work has now put me on a personal leave and cut health benefits for myself and my baby. It’s an emotional rollercoaster with anxiety, depression and stress trying to feel I’m doing the right thing providing for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.
This hit hard for me. My baby would not take a bottle either only breast. He will now be 2 on Christmas and still breastfeeds whenever he needs it. I constantly get asked from my bfs family when will I wean him and my answer to them is whenever he is ready I will not force him to stop. My body carried him for 9 months and fed him his sole nutrition for a year. After that I understand he didn’t “need” breast milk but that being said what he needs is his mama and the bond that we have. My breast feeding journey has had a lot of ups and downs but I will not allow anyone to make me feel like I need to stop until he is good and ready on his own.
I whole heartedly love every bit of this. My daughter is 14 months in and now we feed basically for comfort when im not working and at night. She is my 4th and last baby and I want it to last as long as possible but so exhausted at the same time. Reading this I know stopping is not for us yet her mood changes every time she nurses.