5 Funny Breastfeeding Scenarios That Nobody Prepared Me For
Before I began my breastfeeding journey, I was met with a lot of great advice, some not-so-good advice, and almost a complete lack of what I like to call “a warning would’ve been nice!”
As much as I appreciated hearing anecdotal experiences about how to increase supply or fix a faulty latch, I also wanted to know all the nitty-gritty stuff that comes along with nursing. After all, this journey is full of triumphs, tears, and plenty of comedic relief. If you’ve ever breastfed a baby, you already know. If you’re currently nursing, I’m sure you can relate. And if you’re just getting ready to embark on your breastfeeding adventure? Well, buckle up mama, because it’s a crazy-beautiful ride!
You May Get Lopsided.
It’s not uncommon for babies to have a side preference when it comes to nursing, and when they do, it definitely shows! I was lopsided for the majority of my breastfeeding journey. And while I could occasionally coax my daughter to feed from her disfavored side, she was never quite enthusiastic enough to make up for the full cup-size difference in my breasts caused by her favoritism. And in case you’re wondering, yes. They did eventually even back out after I finished nursing.
You Might Leak Milk When Other Babies Cry.
I remember when I was about three weeks postpartum, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure so I could get out of the house and enjoy a little me time. It was an unusually hot April day, so I wore a cute strapless romper; no bra, no nursing pads, no problem. Or so I thought. It turns out there was a baby in the salon- and a fussy one at that. That’s all it took, my friends. About fifteen minutes into my pedicure, I looked down and um, ya. It looked like I had been front row at a Sea World splash show.
Your Baby Might Start To Seek Out Other Boobs.
Once my daughter became mobile, she grew incredibly determined to sample all the inanimate nipples that life has to offer. A suspiciously dome-shaped doorknob? Let’s give it a latch. Mommy’s bra on the floor? Let’s see if we can get something flowing. But she didn’t stop at just potential breasts of the insentient variety. Nothing or nobody was safe from my booby-monster. A friendly stranger we met at the park simply holding her and trying to say hello? Annnnd now she’s in cradle hold.
Your Breasts Won’t Be Happy When Your Baby Sleeps Through The Night.
What do exclusively breastfeeding boobs that haven’t had a letdown in 8 hours look and feel like? Rock-solid and full of rage. While I was personally thrilled the first time my daughter finally slept in a stretch longer than 4 hours, my breasts weren’t and therefore had a total meltdown. Literally. All over my bed.
Sex Can Trigger A Letdown.
I won’t elaborate too much on this one, but uh…Got milk?
Do you have a funny breastfeeding story? We want to hear it! Share your favorite milky moments in the comments section below!
I often spray my baby girl in the face during a letdown! She gets so mad, but I find it hilarious!
Oh my gosh!!!! Yes hahahaha!!! Had this happen with my breast pump too one day haha. Thought I was done, apparently not!!!
Omg. Spraying post pumping is always at the worst times. Takes me 5-10 min to stop when it happens. And I’m running late!
My daughter won’t latch at all while I’m spraying! She simply shakes her head in a “no” type fashion with her mouth open and tongue halfway out! Before I know it, she and I have had a full on milk/slobber bath! I now stick a hand towel in between us under all the action!
My boy gets a big smile on his face and holds his mouth open and head back just a bit and lets it spray into his mouth! 😂 the first time I saw him do it I was shocked! Normally it sprays and he totally pulls his head away, nope, not anymore!! Now it’s like he’s catching sake at a hibachi restaurant! 😂🤣
Blocked ducts… 1 remedy is to dangle feed. Well my infant honestly just laughed at me! My pump was my only reliable help.
The leaking happened once while nursing a few weeks pp. I had no idea, I felt the let down but didnt think anything of it. My husband said hunny, umm you’re soaked. I also gave my husband milk showers very early on because babe would unlatch and move and it would just spray! LOL. Spraying the baby in process as well. A lot of soaked days early on as my body was getting used to everything. 1st time being intimate I was laying down, didnt think to pump before hand and it was the fountain from the Bellagio shooting up! 😂
My son missed the nipple latching on in the first few days and I had a horrible hickey on my breast for days. It was so sore and black and blue I about gave up!!!! Anytime he would latch on my other side would spray. And to beat it all, when I returned to work at a daycare, anytime a child would cry I’d leak.
I had a noisy nurser, as in, he whimpered and moaned EVERY time he nursed, and it was LOUD. On top of that, he’d eat off one boob, release the demons out the backend before he’d start the next boob…. He still moans when he eats something he really likes 😆
Mine does puppy noises when he nurses. You would think I was play tug a war with a pup. 😅
How about nursing a baby who thinks the boob or nipple can magically just follow him as he wants to look around or roll over. Sometimes it’s like feeding a baby alligator!
LORD this one 😭😭😭 why does he RIP his head to the side like it’s gonna come with him
I was nursing my daughter sitting up, she let go mid letdown while my fiancé was talking to me and his automatic response was to slap his hand over my boob and get soaked himself. Baby also had milk all over her face and a wtf look
It was our first Sunday at church after our son was born. He was 5 weeks old and we nursed right before we left, and I also brought a bottle with 2 ounces of breast milk. I figured we were covered and wore a sundress that wasn’t nursing friendly. Of course he drank the bottle and started crying for more during the service, so we had to go to a back room and nurse to calm him. I literally had to pull my dress all the way up and sit on a chair in my underwear and pray no one would come back there 😂. We finally go back in and not ten minutes later he’s fussing again. We repeat and he won’t latch. He finally lets out a big burp and settled and then just as we were heading back in, church was over. We missed almost the whole service lol.
I don’t have a letdown when my baby cries or other babies cry but when my toddler reaches a specifically pitched scream.
I was sitting up feeding baby in bed and I had one duct(?) that liked to spray sideways and it got my husband in the face while he was trying to sleep 🤣🤣🤣😇
Always wear the nursing pads. ALWAYS. even at night. especially at night. do not leave home without them. and spares in your bag.
So true. It’s obnoxious, especially pp when it feels like you’re just covered in diapers!
I had nipple piercings when I had my first, poor baby almost drowned trying to nurse! I had to pump almost exclusively for a while till get got bigger lol.
I had a very high let down when my daughter was a few weeks old. It was too fast for her one night. She let go for a second to cough (I guess it hit her throat just right) and the milk kept spraying. Didn’t know until then that a three week old could actually splutter from being sprayed in the face.
My kid starts feeling up Grandma’s breasts when he’s thirsty!
One thing I wasn’t prepared for but turned into a very good thing was that, around 7 months, the old nursing positions stopped working for him. He started climbing on top of me to drink while I just relaxed on my back. Now, he hands me books to read to him, and so nursing time is also reading time. It’s the perfect way to get a toddler to sit still for a book. He points to things when he wants to know what something is, and he points to familiar object when I ask, too! Ours is almost 15 months, and we plan to keep going for two years or longer, as the WHO recommends. In some cultures, it is common for kids to breastfeed for about five years.
I’ll never forget the early days, when my sons father came home from work, and I was in the middle of nursing. The dog went crazy when he walked in, and HE was beelining for the shower (it was pouring all day) I asked him to take the dog out, before getting cleaned up, and he asked “why can’t you do it?”
I promptly pulled the boob and squirted him from 7 feet away, at the same time stating “ I’m a little busy”
He was so amazed by the distance, it stopped the questions right there…
He also ALWAYS came home and took the dog right out for a quick run around the yard, after that 😂😂🫣
When my milk started coming in with my first, I decided it was a good idea to not wear a bra that day. My husband came up and licked my ear and I immediately let down, soaking my shirt! I had no idea what was going on with me and I was a bit mortified. Lesson learned for this 1st time Momma. Nursing baby #3 now and my husband still likes to lick my ear to get a reaction! Mortified no more, it’s an off day if someone in the family doesn’t get squirted in the face with 3 under 3 crawling all over me.