I gasp and snap awake as a little hand taps my shoulder. What time is it? Where am I? As I glance at the clock – 3:42am – a little voice whispers “Mommy? I had an accident.” I sigh and roll out of bed, blearily making my way to the bedroom in question to change sheets and tuck the little one back into bed in new pajamas. Minutes later, back in my own bed, I close my eyes and beg sleep to come quickly. I know my alarm clock will go off in less than two hours and I am desperate for a little more sleep. But it doesn’t come. My mind races, thinking about the day ahead, worrying about getting everything done and adding “wash sheets” to my mental checklist. I have no idea how much time passes before I finally drift off, only to wake up what seems like minutes later to a blaring, unsympathetic alarm. Did I sleep at all? It doesn’t feel like it. Groaning, I get up and start my day, barely able to start the coffee brewing before I’m joined in the kitchen by little mouths waiting to be fed. I’m so, so tired. I just want to go back to bed. I can’t do this anymore.

Sound familiar? I think all mamas come to a point now and then when they feel like the load is simply to great to bear. When they feel like changing sheets at 3:42am could be their undoing. When they want to walk out the door and just keep walking. Mom burnout: it’s a cutesy name for a not-so-cute feeling of overwhelm and hopelessness. It’s feeling like you simply cannot cook one more meal, it’s feeling like you’re failing even though you are trying so, so hard, it’s the explosion of rage when you’re overstimulated and just need two minutes to pee alone. So what’s a mom to do when she feels like she simply cannot “DO” anything anymore?

Take a break.
Allowing yourself to take a break isn’t giving up. It isn’t laziness. It is recognizing a need in yourself that you must fulfill. If you’re a working mom with too much on your plate, take a day off! That’s what PTO is for. If you’re a stay-at-home mama who hasn’t been alone in weeks (months? years?), call on your partner, friends, family, and get lunch by yourself. Sometimes just a little time “off” can go a long way.

Get to the root.
Is there a specific issue in your home that is causing repeated stress? Is bedwetting leaving you exhausted? Are meal times a battle every day? Identify an issue (it may be one of many, but you have to start somewhere!) and form a plan to begin to solve that specific problem. When things are overwhelming, getting to the root (or one of the roots!) and formulating a plan to overcome it can help you to feel more in control and less stressed.

Exercise!
No, really! Whether it’s a quick walk around the block with the baby in the stroller or a trip to the gym (lots of them have childcare!), the mental health benefits of exercise are well-known. Exercise releases feel-good chemicals in your brain, and my favorite part? When you’re working out, you’re not overthinking everything else. For that span of time, whether it’s 20 minutes or an hour, you get to be free from worry and stress.

Set boundaries.
Learning to say “no” can be difficult and uncomfortable, but a well-placed boundary can truly be a mental health saver. It’s okay not to sign up for every volunteer opportunity at your kids’ school. And if visiting your parents for dinner on Sunday sounds too overwhelming, it’s okay to put it off for a week. Set yourself up for success by looking inward and deciding what is truly important and what can wait.

Talk about it.
Whether it’s a mental health professional or a trusted friend, talking to someone who understands and will respond with compassion can feel like a weight lifted. A reminder that your not alone is sometimes all a mama needs to get up and keep on going. There is power in community!

Taking these steps won’t solve all your motherhood woes, but caring for yourself  is the first step to having a healthy household. You set the tone for your home, mama, and as the adage goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” 

If you feel your overwhelm goes deeper and your despair is untouchable, please reach out to your healthcare provider or call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) or visit Postpartum Support International. You are not alone. You are loved.