Mom Friends–6 Different Types and Where to Find Them
It’s likely that if you’re a mom of littles or you’re close to a mom of young children, you know about Facebook mom groups. These groups are formed based on location, or birth month of their baby, or style of parenting, or love of a particular motherhood brand (ahem, Latched Mama Love), or any other commonality that brings moms together. There are thousands in each of these thousands of groups. They are everywhere. An estimated 3 out of 4 parents are in at least one Facebook group.
When it comes to being a parent, the need for a village is as great as the need for any item on your baby registry list (and maybe greater).
Putting yourself out there can feel scary–like walking into the school cafeteria by yourself all over again–but it is essential to find your village, join a village, create a village.
Not all moms know how to do that or where to start, so here are a few of the different kinds of mom friends I have made throughout my motherhood journey and where I found them:
Keeps it real. She told me when I needed to go to therapy for postpartum anxiety after my first child. Does not own rose colored glasses. Loves you for you, and not just the Pinterest-worthy version.
Where I found her: She is the type to actually find you. She will walk up to you and boldly introduce herself. Be open to the Blaires of this world–we all need one. They make us braver.
Nurturing. Validating. Cries with you. Relishes in the sentimental. Organizes a meal train for you. Hannah is the ultimate caregiver.
Where I found her: I found my Hannah in the workplace. Yours might be in a place of worship, a neighborhood function, or mom group. But you’ll know she’s a Hannah because you’ll hear other moms talking about how supportive she is and notice how absolutely beloved she is in her community.
She is relatable. This bond is based on similar life situations and involves long chats in the daycare parking lot. She is the one who also forgot it was water day at school. This is an easy and convenient day to day friendship, bonded by living such similar life situations.
Where I found her: This is the mom you always seem to bump into at daycare drop-off or the same pool or same playground. Take the initiative to connect with her in those little moments when you cross paths. Before you know it, you’ll be texting each other, “What were we supposed to pack for school today?”
This is the girl you went to high school with, lost touch with, and then, thanks to the world of social media, reconnected. You found that maybe high school was never when you were meant to be close friends–maybe you were only meant to cross paths then so that you’d have each other now, in motherhood. She is your modern day pen pal and often one of your closest confidants. Even from a distance, you swap potty training horror stories, read the same books together, and doordash a dozen donuts to one another when life hits the fan. You may never see her in person again, but you are so thankful for your friendship with her.
Where I found her: high school, and then again through the wonderful world of instagram stories
Her kids are older, but she remembers the trenches of motherhood well enough that she’d never patronize you. Queen of never giving unsolicited advice, but *will* give you hope that someday you will go to bed without mysterious food or spit-up stuck in your hair.
Where I found her: Jadas will often come in the form of a neighbor or coworker–someone who sees you in the thick of motherhood without currently being in it herself.
Not a mom, but genuinely cares about you and your kids. She will text to ask how you are, and is understanding when your texts back are usually sent between 1 and 4 in the morning. She keeps you up to date on life outside of motherhood and children and reminds you of life beyond your four walls.
Where I found her: the Logans of my life have come from many different places–work, family, and college being three of them.
Of course, mom friends are more than just one type of mom friend. Most moms are a little bit of each of these. No matter what kind of mom friends you have, it is essential that you find them. It’s essential that you be one, too.
If you don’t know where to start, I’ve always heard you should talk to someone you’re meeting as if they are already your best friend. It cuts to the chase and breaks the ice. Whether you’ve got a solid village of mom friends already, or your mom friends are out there waiting to meet you, remember that motherhood was never meant to be a solo journey.