How I Plan to Feel More “Human” in the Week Following Birth
That first week postpartum I had never felt less “human” in my life. Everything was a haze of exhaustion, coupled with feeling like I had been in a physical fight and lost big time. I had anticipated the challenge of not sleeping, feeling exhausted, and coming to terms with a physical body I did not recognize, but the complete discomfort and how gross I felt were unexpected.
Those early days, while filled with newborn snuggles and some of the greatest joy I have ever known, were also defined by painful, engorged breasts, leaking from everywhere, wearing adult diapers, not showering, feeling like my pelvic floor had collapsed, dreading going to the bathroom, and feeling defeated when I brushed against my belly, which now felt like a jiggly water bed.
With our second child due in a few weeks, I am determined to find a way to feel a little bit more like myself. Notice I said a little bit – I fully expect to be a hot mess that first week. When I talk about feeling more like myself, do I mean Instagram-worthy hair, looking freshly showered each day, squeezing into some tight clothes, and looking put together? Heck no. I just want to prioritize doing a few things each day that help me feel recharged and refreshed.
The First Shower
I am going to make that first shower after giving birth one of the best showers of my life. For my last birth, I used some hospital-supplied toiletries and rushed through it, not even taking the time to brush my hair because I felt too scared to leave my baby for very long. This time, I packed my favorite shampoo, conditioner, body exfoliator, face mask, and fancy body lotion. I will put on some good music or a funny podcast like I often do at home. At the end of this first postpartum shower, I will look in the mirror and list off positive things about my body – a little cheesy I know, but I want to start this postpartum phase with positivity and self-acceptance.
Postpartum Clothing
The last time I had a baby, I had no idea how important clothes would be or how hard it can be to dress a postpartum body. I had planned to just wear baggy, maternity clothes over my nursing bras until I could fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. It left me feeling frumpy and awkward. Getting dressed each day honestly felt humiliating.
This time I have a section in my closet ready with cute, loose, stain hiding, comfortable loungewear, and nursing shirts. Everything is simple and easy to grab and go. The shirts won’t hug my stomach and I have pants that will hide the massive postpartum pads. My wardrobe includes several cute baseball hats that can disguise any un-showered, bad hair day and make me feel better.
20 Minutes to Myself Each Morning
I learned last time that how I set the tone for the day is one of the most important things I can do to help me stay in a positive place mentally. Rather than just diving right into a day of non-stop breastfeeding and taking care of others, I will take just a few minutes to give myself some self-care. I’d like to say I will take an hour, but realistically 20 minutes feels like a more reasonable goal. I will do the things that make me feel best about myself. For me, that will be a short, guided meditation, followed by a quick rinse in the shower, filling in my eyebrows, and putting on mascara. Yes, eyebrows are my key to feeling like myself. Find yours and do it.
And do you know what I won’t be doing each morning? Stepping on the scale. There will be absolutely no weighing of myself in that first week or first month for that matter. Or maybe even the first year…
Fresh Air
I am lucky to be having a summer baby, so I will be spending time outside every day. I plan to sit in the sunshine, cuddling my newborn, while I watch my toddler play in the yard. Some days I will enjoy an iced coffee and muffin from my favorite bakery, but every day I plan to find a few moments of complete relaxation.
Being attractive, glamorous, and completely put together are not my goals in that first week. I won’t be curling my hair, putting on a lot of makeup, showering every day, or have clothes without breastmilk spilled all over them. But I also won’t beat myself up for missing some unrealistic expectation of having it all together in those first few days. And finally, I will embrace that squishy belly, which honestly makes a pretty good resting place for a new baby.
I’m 35+2 and I needed to hear this!! Thank you 🙂
Man I needed this SO badly!!! I’m expecting my third next month and literally dread the postpartum period more than the natural childbirth! I wanted to crawl out of my skin for the first two weeks. Such great advice here, and couldn’t have been better timed!
Being attractive, glamorous, and completely put together are never my goals. I just doing my best to be a person. I am more than my physical form.
Thank you SO much for posting this. It is realistic and exactly what I needed to help prep for that very first postpartum week.
Great out look. I’ll be incorporating these for baby number 5!
I’m due in a few weeks and I’ll keep some of these in mind! What are stain hiding shirts? Dark shirts? I’m clueless lol
With both of my first two, I bought myself a new outfit (not expensive, just something new) for the hospital after giving birth. Not a huge thing, but it was nice to put on after the shower.
Patterns, babe!! You’re gonna look great 🙂
This was a great read!
Also, totally agree with the eyebrow fill as a way to feel human! I do this too. 🙂
Great advice!!
Love this thank you! 33 weeks tomorrow with twins on the way and just added my
Favorite conditioner for my hospital bag 🙂
Wow, this is such wholesome m, wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing!! I will be a FTM when baby arrives in about 4 more months— all I’ve been thinking about is how to take care of the baby, and I haven’t given much consideration to how to take care of myself. I’m so glad you pointed this out! I’m taking your advice and wisdom and incorporating some “human”/self-care focused details into my post partum plan <3
I’m 3 weeks postpartum and honestly this list made me cry because it’s so entirely, 200% unrealistic and impossible. It would be so nice if it were. But 20 minutes to myself each morning? Newborns (or at least all 3 of mine) wake up screaming, and I do mean SCREAMING. And they wake up every 1-3 hours, with no predictable timing. So how exactly am I finding this 20 minutes? Also, I have school age kids that need to be dressed and fed and lunches packed and out the door by 7:45, further eliminating this time.
Long, luxurious showers? When I was still in the hospital I could barely stand and was bleeding profusely. Unless you’re there a week or more and therefore more recovered, I don’t see how shaking with weakness and bleeding all over yourself for 20 minutes in a tiny, dark hospital shower is going to be enjoyable.
Time in the sun? Well, hopefully, but newborn skin actually can’t be exposed to much direct sunlight. And if you cover them up from head to toe in the middle of the summer, they’re likely to be way too hot. So you’ll be in the shade, and confined to the shade. In my case, my toddler would be repeatedly asking me to play and crying that I couldn’t because I was holding my baby in the shade.
The postpartum wardrobe is a good idea, though. I’m actually a fan of compression leggings, rather than loose pants, and long tops.
So, this list sounds great. But I’m here to tell you, if you get to the postpartum period and cry/laugh at the unrealisticness of this list, you are not alone my friend.
This 🙌🏻 Especially what you say about the shower. I was thinking exactly this as I was reading!!
I had the same thought about the shower – try taking a nice shower after a c-section. Yeah, right.
I feel like just because this list seems unrealistic to you does not mean that applies to everyone. You have to find things that work for your situation. Some moms have their kids clothes picked/lunches packed the night before so that it is not pure chaos in the morning trying to do everything. Maybe you don’t get your solid 20 mins to yourself until after your older kids are off to school and your newborn is on their first nap. The hospital I delivered my first in had a bench in the shower which made it more comfortable for showing postpartum…this list might be or seem unrealistic to you but to say 200% is extreme. Postpartum is hard and we do the best we can. You got this.
Wow, this comment was a downer. If women want to strive to not just be a total mess right after birth, then they absolutely can do it. Hate these women attacking women comments just because something isn’t possible for them doesn’t mean it isn’t for other women. I know a handful of fellow moms who have practiced self care in the days and weeks after their baby was born, and they went through the process much easier. However, these were also the women that prioritized themselves enough to continue to stay active in working out up until birth, and also prioritized eating healthy and keeping their body in great physical condition before the baby came as well to have a faster recovery. Please stop with this negativity.
This is beautiful and perfect! I just had my first baby 8 days ago and couldn’t relate to this post more! Everything you described in your first pregnancy, I have felt this past week. Especially the loose maternity clothes hiding my nursing bra and feeling awkward and humiliating. Also have breast milk everywhere and just a hot mess! This is beautiful and a really good perspective to refocus on! It’s been a wonderful week, but an awkward frumpy week at the least and this is great motivation to help me piece myself back together as I learn about and love my new sweet baby! ❤️ Thank you!
So this is pretty spot on although 20 minutes alone…good luck ?!?! The fancy self care items in the hospital? Totally did that for deliveries 3-6 (yes, 6). Add on to have the baby in the nursery during the shower so you aren’t stressed. And yes, put on your own nursing bra and brush your hair but definitely wear the mesh underpants with a whole chuck pad on top of that ice pack.
Take ibuprofen before you feel the afterbirth cramps!
Also even if not a 20 minute walk, force yourself to get out of the house. Day 2 at home, even if you can’t make it out the door until 2pm ( that was me trying to round up all these kids) and all I did was a target pick up and got dinner at chick fil a.
And for first time and second time moms, the first week kinda sucks on so many levels no matter how many times you do it. Yes, experience helps, but each newborn is new to the mom and the whole world. It’s normal, and probably healthy to feel a reasonable amount of stress and pressure following delivery. But, you will take the better care of your kids if you have cared for your own well being…even if some days all you get is 1:23 seconds of Hail Marys.
I’m expecting my first in October and this is exactly what I needed to read! Thank you so much for sharing this!!
With my first baby that postpartum shower was LIFECHANGING! I brought my own toiletries and actually washed my hair, and then put on some mascara. At home I set alarms for every 3 hours so I would be getting up and making a bottle before he got too fussy and worked up, so usually after that 5am feed I got some tea and picked up the kitchen and just enjoyed the quiet before either starting my day or getting a quick nap before round 2. It’s doable, but finding your groove always seems impossible. Just know there’s no right or wrong, you will figure it out mama. Just remember you are a person too!!!
I love everything about this list and I’ve never related to someone more that eyebrows are one of your keys to feeling like yourself. I’m definitely going to use this list!!
Love this article! I’d love to know your links for planned clothing!
I loved that first post-partum shower…My hospital had a large built in bench and that cold tile felt great…it also had like 4 different shower heads aimed at my body…I sat in there and soaked it all in…I braided my hair and put on a moisturizer and mascara…I also wore leggings (not super tight) but they felt like they were holding everything in place nicely…then I just wore a nursing tank top and oversized cardigan…it was nice…these are good tips…
Having my second, and I admit I judged a bit from the title alone.
Now having read this, THANK YOU. With my first, I exercised self care so little that I ended up with an un-untangle-able mass of hair that I needed to cut out because I had my hair up and unbrushed for two weeks.
This time, I will enjoy that first shower and savor occasional morning coffees!