Why I Didn’t Wean At One
To wean or not to wean? That seems to be the question.
Early on in my breastfeeding journey, even when my son was just an itty bitty newborn baby, I was asked several times (by different people), “How long do you plan on nursing?” And it’s a question that has continually come up since.
It doesn’t bother me that people asked because in all honesty, I’ve probably asked others that same question a fair amount of times as well. But I think as a nursing mama, I now view that question differently. I now understand how much it reflects society’s idea that nursing is this thing that is supposed to have a set end date. That is a thing to already look at stopping even if you’ve just started because there is only an “appropriate” amount of time to do it. Any new mom can tell you of the pressure to breastfeed. Our society says, “yes, breast is best!” Then it turns around and clarifies, “But only to a certain point.”
Like a lot of first-time moms, I fell into that thinking. I set end date “goals” for myself because I felt that was what I should do.
At first, I told myself, “Okay, I want to nurse for 6 months.”
Then, “I want to nurse for 9 months.”
Then, “I’ll definitely be ready to be done nursing by the time he turns one.”
Then, he turned one, and here we are. We nurse every morning when he first wakes up, every night before he goes to bed, and sometimes at 2 in the morning when he wakes up and is unable to go back to sleep.
About the only thing that changed when he turned one was that I stopped pumping while at work. While I work with some amazing people who helped to make sure I could take the time to pump everyday, my job isn’t exactly the kind of job where I can “just close the office door and turn on a pump.” There were logistics involved, and honestly, I was over it.
I was so over pumping in fact that I almost quit several times. But each time I almost quit, I became terrified of what would happen to my supply, of having to supplement. Because when it boiled down to it, I loved nursing.
I love the instant cuddles it provides, especially now that he is so busy and so mobile.
I love having a closeness that only he and I can share.
I love being able to provide him with a source of calm and comfort when he is sick or upset.
I love feeling empowered that my body is able to continue to provide nutrients for him.
Somewhere along the line between sore nipples and what felt like never-ending cluster feeds and public nip slips, nursing my son became second nature.
As his first birthday approached, I started answering the weaning questions with, “I think 18 months is my limit.” Because that seemed like the “appropriate” answer, but I also think I knew in my heart that it was a lie. I don’t want to set an end date because I’m not ready for it to end.
Not too long ago, someone asked me, “How much longer do you think you’ll breastfeed?” And I confidently replied, “Till we’re done.”
And I know in my heart–we’re not done yet.
Totally agree with the feelings you expressed! I ended up nursing my daughter until just before she turned three, when it felt like she was mostly wanting to snuggle. I started to ask if that was what she wanted or if she really was hungry and she naturally stopped asking to nurse after about 2 more weeks. It felt so seamless! And she knows we can still have that special closeness when she needs it.
Well said mama. I think I will start saying “til we’re done “ as well. My son self weaned at 14 months while I was pregnant with my daughter. She just turned two and we aren’t done yet. I have no idea when we will be “done”. It definitely gets a little awkward at family events when she yells “eat time!” and face plants my chest and I get the “omg why are you still nursing her?” “You have to stop or she will be nursing in high school.” But she is my baby and I know she will eventually stop wanting to nurse when she is ready. So thank you, until we are done. 🙂
I absolutely love this. As a nursing momma, I’m
Tired of answering such a personal question. I love the “Till we’re done” statement!
My son will three this June and he still ask for Bilkies. It’s his comfort and he still gets nutrients.. I don’t worry about other people opinions but it gets annoying.
AMAZING! Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same! As a new Mama, you can read all the blogs and gather all the advice from friends family and coworkers who have been there. You want to do your research and you want to make all the right decisions. Go into all things, breastfeeding one of the most important with a plan. We struggled with latching issues, and then my supply was low, I exclusively pumped for two months… I went from wanting to quit, to making 6 months my goal to praising the Lord when he was able to latch again when we introduced solids because I was sure he was aging zero calories from actual food. My son is 13 months and I love that he is still interested in nursing. Breast milk is so wonderful for him! And being back at work it makes me happy we have the one on one time when I get home. I’m a teacher and I pump once during the day in my classroom behind a locked door. I’m nervous to drop it for fear my supply will decrease, just like you expressed. The truth is, I don’t know how long he’ll nurse for. I’ll leave it up to him!
I love “til we are done” and I’m taking it. As a first time mama I had no clue how long I’d breastfeed for and I originally aimed for around 9 months. My LO is about to turn one in less than two weeks and I really don’t plan on stopping until he’s ready to stop. Ever since he turned six months I’ve been getting comments from other people regarding breastfeeding. I still don’t understand why they feel the need to say anything. I’ve just learned to smile and ignore all unsolicited advice when it comes to raising my child otherwise I think I’d go crazy. Anywho thanks for sharing your story and helping normalize breastfeeding beyond what society deems acceptable.
Beautifully said. ❤️