Carrying The (Emotional) Weight Of Motherhood

Motherhood has added so much joy and also so much weight to my life.

I’ve avoided being in front of the camera as a result. I take all the pictures. Babies with grandma, with their dad, at the zoo, at the park. My camera roll is full of babies. Yet, no photos of me with them. And I did all the work making them!

So when we stepped out onto the beach tonight to take family photos, the kids grinning, splashing, having the time of their lives – I didn’t have a care what I looked like. I radiated happiness. Wow, can we stay here forever?

Then I saw this photo of myself and frowned. My 3 year old looked at me, puzzled “What’s wrong, Mommy?”.

I felt embarrassed. I wished I’d turned a different way, sucked in my mom tummy, could I possibly edit my arms or my frizzy hair? Maybe I just won’t post this one.

“Nothing baby”

“You look so bootiful” he said as if reading my thoughts, melting my heart instantly. Was he wrong?

Of course not. I teach my kids to love themselves. Every ounce of them. They are perfect just as they are & no one can tell them otherwise.

But why can’t I extend that courtesy to myself? I created 3 human beings. That’s kind of a big deal. I may not have lost the expected baby weight. I may not have the perfect Instagram filter. I may not have airbrushed away all of my (very normal) lumps & bumps, but I am still worthy of photos with my loved ones and beautiful memories. I still deserve love, especially from myself.

So for anyone else who may need to hear this – take the photo. You are beautiful, mama. Just the way you are, right this very moment. No photoshop necessary.

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