What I’ve Learned From Nursing in Public
I remember the first time I breastfed in public. My son was just shy of 4 weeks old, and I met a friend for coffee. As we looked for seats, she asked if I wanted to sit in the corner. I knew what she was asking (without actually asking it): do you want some privacy for when you have to whip out your boob?
The place was full of people, and we ultimately ended up grabbing a spot that wasn’t in the corner but wasn’t in the center of the room either.
We drank our coffee and chatted while I rocked my son’s car seat with my foot as he slept. But before too long, his eyes started to blink awake and his mouth opened, lips puckering slightly. I scooped him up, unclipped the strap of my tank top, and pulled the open sleeve of my shirt to the side. He latched easily and nuzzled into my body. Everything was okay.
Every single time after that wasn’t always as smooth, but I continued to feed my son wherever I went. Like most aspects of motherhood, I learned different things along the way.
Being in public doesn’t have to take away from the experience
For me, breastfeeding is one of the most intimate acts between mother and child. Especially in the early days, it would leave me in awe of this wonderful life I created and continued to nourish. When he latched, an overwhelming feeling of rightness settled in my soul. When I think back to that first time nursing him in public: it didn’t matter that there was a room full of people talking and laughing, people who could see us. At that moment, it was just me and him.
It can be hard
Just because something is natural does not mean it isn’t difficult at times. Breastfeeding is no exception whether you’re nursing your baby in your own home or out in public. For example, the second time I nursed in public was at a high school basketball game. I was confident after having such a positive experience at the coffee shop, but in this instance, sitting in the stands of a crowded gym, it was hard. There was so much noise and commotion, yet it felt as if his cry was echoing all over the gym and drawing extra attention.
He wouldn’t latch, and I was leaking all over the place. His little mouth kept slipping off, and he would cry more (which made me leak more). I was so flustered and anxious. In reality, it only took a few minutes to get him latched properly, but it felt like an entirety.
It was tough. But like most things, with time and practice, it got easier.
A cover wasn’t for me
In the beginning, I debated using a cover. I even bought one. But as I tested it out at home, nothing about it felt right. It felt constricting and took away from the closeness I usually experienced. It also wasn’t as easy to get a cover on and latch a crying baby at the same time as the picture on the box made it out to be.
I still have the cover in the diaper bag, but now it is just used as an extra burp cloth.
Not as many people care as you might think
Are there still people who care about a woman breastfeeding her child in public? I’m sure. Are they in the majority? I don’t think so.
I’ve nursed my son in so many different places and have not experienced someone approaching me with a negative comment. Some people avoid looking at us, and some give me questionable looks. But the only comments I’ve received have been positive and encouraging. I’ve heard horror stories of women being shamed and chastised, and I’m so grateful I did not let those stories stop me from feeding my son when I needed to. Now I’ve done it long enough that if someone did have something negative to say, I’d be confident enough to stick up for my right to nurse my child.
It’s all about a perspective shift
In the beginning, there was a certain level of exposure I felt nursing in public. I was using a part of my body that has been sexualized by society for so long that it was difficult to shift my mindset from “I’m flashing the world” to “I’m feeding my child.” But the more I nursed in public (and nursed in general), the more my perspective started shifting. I thought of my breasts less as something to be ogled by strangers and more as a source of nourishment for my son. Motherhood, I’m realizing, is all about adjusting my point of view and expectations. This was no exception.
Nursing in public has just been one stop on my breastfeeding journey. But it’s an important one because it taught me the empowerment that comes from pushing through fear and anxiety to provide for my child. I don’t know how long I will continue to breastfeed my son, but I do know that we will continue to nurse wherever we want till that time comes.
Thank you so much for sharing! I’m a new mom and have been breastfeeding for 2 months now. Yesterday was my first time nursing in public. I was at a Ross and there was no where for me to nurse but the bathroom. I did what I had to but they didn’t have so much as a chair to sit in. And the changing table was out in the open by the sink and not in a stall. I was so disappointed but honestly it helped me to know that it won’t be perfect like at home. Definitely felt like being thrown into the deep end tho.
I have used furniture on display at TJ Maxx to breastfeed in the middle of the store before.
I’m literally sitting in a home goods breastfeeding on a couch right now hah!
My baby is 10 months old now but starting at like 2 months and still today I use whatever rocking chair, regular chair, couch.. whatever furniture is on display.. it works perfect! I did the bathroom scene when my baby was a couple weeks and it was so very stressful and my back killed me by the end of it.. no more bathrooms for me!
I have to at Sam’s. Club and Walmart I asked for a chair and they brought one out for me to use Menards used there furniture display
Same! Target home section lol. I wont eat food in a bathroom, why should my baby…. The home section had chairs and the Joanna Gaines displays made it feel so homey haha!
My first time was in targets set up nursery. My friend was in town so my husband grabbed a chair for her too. We used one of his receiving blankets to cover. Then the next time I was in target I realized they have a nursing room in the dressing room area! Never used it but I thought it was sweet.
I will walk around a store a nurse my daughter. I found some great nursing tops that keep me modest and I don’t have to use a nursing cover.
What brand of tops? I would love to know so I can buy some.
https://cadenshae.com/
I have 2 tops and love it cause it’s cute. Pricey but I think worth it!
I use the 2 shirt method. Simply use a nursing tank top with a shirt above it and when it’s time to feed unclip the tank and pull up the other shirt and your torso wi stay covered
Don’t get them from Amazon poor quality! And some of the designs allow your boob to pop out. I got others from old navy
Small show is a brand that has them. I have a few I love them. There are plenty of shops that specialize in these shirts now
I wish I could! My 2m old constantly pulls off and goes back on. Every time he pulls off, I spray everything!
My 3rd little currently does the same. I use the milk pads as a catch in between the latches. I always keep it in my hand folded ready to while I help keep my little latched.
I breastfed on the sofa in the middle of Costco this weekend. There were some lookie loos but honestly, when he’s hungry he’s hungry. Ten minutes later we were back to shopping.
The weekend before I breast fed him while walking through a Sistine chapel art exhibit. No body even glanced twice. This was in corn country Ohio, haha I haven’t seen a breast feeding mama out and about ever. I just don’t care and think we need to normalize it.
I’m from small town Ohio too and never see breastfeeding mothers besides myself and my one friend.
I would not feed in a bathroom ! Go to a changing room or do it wherever you are sitting you got this ! It’s the most natural thing and when we are uneasy so is baby !!! Buy the nursing shirts heck my hubby doesn’t even know I’m feeding sometimes !!! You can’t see anything !
That’s good! I had to use the bathroom a few times with my 1 st but I’m on my 4th and now I can stand in front of my cart by the car seat and rest my arms on the cart and feed my son standing up nobody says anything to me and most avoid me in the isle when they see I’m nursing.
If you want somewhere private I’ve learned a fitting room is a great place! The eyes room for the stroller in the handicap stall and I prefer to also change baby in there than the bathroom. I just wipe the seat down with a wipe. I find it more relaxing for my baby and I to have a quieter spot.
I did that when my son was young and I was unsure about nursing him out in the open. But now I could be standing in the store checkout and nurse him without a second thought.
Keep it up!
i find button-up fronts and stretchy v-neck shirts to be easiest attire for BF in general, especially in public. you can always throw a burp cloth over your breast once baby is latched; regardless of modesty it can be helpful to spare your clothes while out & about. the more BF people are exposed to the more normal it seems. enjoy this precious time!
I used to do a tanktop under a shirt, you pull one up and the other one down and you got minimal exposure. Or you can also nurse with baby sitting up in a wrap or carrier.. I had a wrap which was easy to adjust, don’t know how comfortable it is in other carriers.. but you can still walk around, baby drinking in there and nobody knows..
What kind of carrier?
I use a solly wrap when baby is younger and a happy carrier when baby is older. It’s important to find a carrier that’s comfortable for you. I highly recommend finding a store that will let you try on the carriers with baby.
Yes 👏 Me too
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am one that one of my first time breastfeeding I was scared to go into public and I couldn’t use a cover my some wouldn’t latch with one. I had a person walk up to MY vehicle while I was feeding him and say you need to go home or pump and bottle feed that’s gross while I was waiting to my husband who was getting all his teeth pulled. Out of nowhere my response shocked myself to that. I said no you need to stop thinking as boobs as your personal pleasure tools yes there is a CERTAIN amount of sex appeal that they where put there for but the big main reason is for babies cause well formula and bottles haven’t been around forever and I told him he needs to step away from my vehicle. I am now breaatfeeding my third baby and a delivery driver that all my kids go with me and I have no fear what so ever when she cries to get her and feed her
You should have shot milk at him that al chase him off!
I love posts like this. My baby is only two months and my first experience I didn’t have a cover up I went to a corner to latch her and then came back to where my husband was sitting. I hope to be confident enough in the near future to not need to go in a corner to latch.
“Motherhood, I’m realizing, is all about adjusting my point of view and expectations. “
Great post! (Breast and bottle combo, our first bb at 12 mo now)
I like to wear a camisol under the my shirt. To nurse, I lift up my shirt while the camisol keeps me feeling more modest underneath. I nurse wherever baby needs me to, and nobody has ever said anything to me, now nursing baby number 5!
My son is 4 months old. We recently went to Applebee’s with some friends for dinner. We sat at a big table in the open (since we had 2 carseats with us). This wasn’t my first time breastfeeding in public. But when my son started to get hungry, I got ready to BF. My husband took the blanket and held it in front of me. Bless his heart. I told him, thank you; but it’s better if he doesn’t do that. That draws so much more attention. A cover is not for us either, he gets too hot.
I usually wear a tank top under my shirt and I feel it makes it a little less obvious. Just as I was getting 100% comfortable and had no shame breastfeeding in public, my little girl has started playing with whichever nipple she isn’t latched to! Today in Starbucks I was wearing only a tank top and she kept reaching into it and trying to pull my boobs out. Then when I sat down to feed her she wanted both boobs out so she could hold on to both 😂😂😂
I’ve exclusively breastfed four baby girls now. My oldest daughter is now 11.5 years old, and my youngest just turned 6 months old this week. (I’m expecting baby #5 just 7 months from now!) I started nursing in public within the first couple weeks each time – even during church. I’m always most comfortable nursing out in my car. Fewer people to gawk, give dirty looks, or make comments. I have always been able to keep very discreet with coordinating tank tops from Kohl’s underneath whatever shirt I want to wear. I just pull the top shirt up enough to give Baby access, the tank top down, and unclip my nursing bra – bam! Breakfast is served! Whenever and wherever it’s needed. Even having done this four times, I still don’t enjoy nursing on benches in malls or next to window seats in coffee shops and restaurants. I’ll do it if that’s the only reasonable option, but I will always prefer a quiet, private spot off to the side somewhere if I know Baby will need to nurse. Most of the time I just nurse in the back seat of our Odyssey, with tinted windows on the full rear of the vehicle. I’ve always got my toddler in the car at least nowadays, but it’s cozy and quiet and my baby nurses without distraction. I have really enjoyed my nursing experience, and I’m sad to be carrying my last baby now. Just gonna soak up the last couple years of bringing babies home and nourishing them myself. ❤️
My first child wouldn’t take a bottle for about three months, I had no choice but to BF in public. I had a tank that had a flap you could unclasp on each side. I would just flip my outer shirt up a little and unclasp, latch on babe, and away I’d go! The little bunch of my overshirt covered any exposed part of my breast so it wasn’t even an issue. I BF in church and that is one place I remember getting looks. I said something a little loudly leaving one day, my husband was commenting on the lookey-loos, I said “God knows what he made these for, I highly doubt he’d care that I was using them that way in church!” Seemed like after that, a few other new moms in my age group left the bottles at home, too! 😌
Love this. Currently at Disney with my 4 kids including my 9 week old. While everyone was drinking around the world at Epcot I nursed around the world. And nothing like sitting poolside boobies out. I don’t use a cover and if someone ever said anything I’d just kindly ask them if I can put a blanket over their head while they ate. #normalizebreastfeeding
I just nurse my 2 month old in a wrap carrier. Pull it down to boob level and pull the support against the back of his head. It convenient and I can continue on whatever I’m doing.
You make it sound so plesantful. This is how I see it, but I get shamed by my family. They’ve made me cover up, and it’s neither for me or the baby, we sweat excessively. Just today I thought my husband was on my side and he shamed me for feeding in front of his friend. Even though the baby was crying of hunger and he was a guest in our house. If anything the friend should have left if he was uncomfortable I did mentioned many times the baby is hungry.
Momma, I am sorry you have been shamed for how you want to breastfeed. I have been too, but for me it was wanting privacy, and my family wanted me front and center.
Hey there. It is also OK to want privacy. Like, some people are comfortable with physical displays of affection in public, others are not. It is an intimate moment, and I actually prefer to share it just with my baby. I enjoy being in a quiet space away from people. I make sure we have space and I always feel so much more relaxed. I was shamed by my grandmother for wanting privacy, for she wanted me to normalize it for all of my male cousins during the holidays. But people are so rowdy, and I just wanted a peaceful environment. So, I just came here to say we can be shamed in both directions, and I think whatever makes you comfortable is OK. It is natural, but so is going to the restroom, and we don’t shame people for closing the stalls, lol. I think we make it too big of a deal either way for people. If you want to feed in public, fine. If you prefer a quiet room away from people, equally fine. Everyone is different, every baby is different!
One time I breastfed while shopping in Walmart while pushing a basket. The only person who seemed to care was my mother, not even my brother minded. He said he wouldn’t want to eat in the bathroom and told me mom to be quiet cause his nephew is no different than him.
I use a cover because my girl is a distracted little bean! If I didn’t half my nursing session in public would just be her looking around and my nipple out 😂🫠
Nursing is a beautiful experience. One that was super hard at first to get the hang of for me and baby, but now we have it down packed. Except for 90% of the time when I’m not quick enough for him with switching from one boob to the next or even when he first latches in general lol but it’s all good. He’s only 2 months. I’ve nursed a few times in public and honestly I hate it. I have to use a cover up and yes people do stare. I’d love to nurse freely but his dad thinks to many people are looking at me sexually and it ruins the whole thing. I just don’t understand why the world is so black and white when there’s actually so many beautiful colors.