Have you ever spent an hour or so on Instagram, scrolling through the seemingly endless stream of mommy-blogs, only to suddenly start feeling sorry for yourself? I have. Don’t get me wrong; my life is good. My family is healthy, we have a roof over our heads, and plenty of food on the table. So what’s the problem? Well, this might sound silly, but my version of motherhood has no aesthetic, and sometimes social media seems to further enforce the idea that I’m doing it all wrong.

Let me explain. When I look to social media to show me images of motherhood, the majority of what I see seems to be as curated as a modern art exhibit. Their homes are decorated in tasteful shades of (unstained) beige, their meals deliciously gourmet, and their clothes undoubtedly boutique. Here’s the thing, it’s not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with positively portraying your life online, especially if that’s just your reality. I’m happy for you, I promise. But if I’m being honest, I can’t help but crave more imagery of motherhood that somewhat mimics my own experience.

I don’t have a mommy-blog style social media presence, but if I did, here is what you would see: a living room encompassed by baby gates, so my daughter has a safe space to play while I work from home. Me, dressed in yesterday’s leggings and my husband’s t-shirt, slumped over my laptop with a cup of drip-brew coffee by my side. Dishes piled up in my not-so-farmhouse inspired kitchen. And an array of brightly colored plastic toys, each and every one of them an absolute eyesore in their own right, spewed across my floors. My version of motherhood isn’t soft and filtered and enviable. And yet, my version of motherhood is still the most beautiful thing I have ever known.

In case you haven’t noticed, we’re constantly being bombarded by societal signals on how to look, think, act, and feel. But guess what? We don’t have to consume media that makes us feel bad about our own existence. If browsing stylish mommy-blogs brings you joy, then that’s great. Keep doing it. But if they tend to trigger feelings of mistrust, inadequacy, or melancholy, then maybe It’s time to find some content you actually resonate with. And if you can’t find it, but you’re willing to create it, do that. Vulnerability is a pretty dependable formula for establishing friendships and building trust. We need people to lead the way by utilizing their authenticity to convert these social spaces into empowering communities. I think I speak for almost everyone when I say: I’m sick of seeing social media being treated as an unspoken competition. 

So if your life looks anything like my imaginary Instagram feed of Folgers coffee and Fisher-Price toys, please know that it’s still admirable. Your hair doesn’t have to look perfect for you to post that family picture you adore. You don’t need a fancy mansion to be impressive, because the love that fills your home is what makes a house most remarkable. And your family and friends are always delighted to see you, the real you, not that perfect version of ourselves that we think we must aspire to be. Family needs no filter, parenting doesn’t require a pretty preset, and motherhood has no aesthetic, except for love. And everyone’s feed could always use a little more love.