Can We Please Stop Asking Moms When They’ll Be Done Breastfeeding?
Breastfeeding is so many things. It can be emotional and challenging. Or even soft and blissful. But when you throw other people’s opinions into the mix of boobs and babies, it can become downright polarizing. During my first six months of breastfeeding, people were supportive, almost congratulatory, about my decision to breastfeed. “That’s great!” they would say, eager to share their own breastfeeding experiences with me. But after the six-month mark, the conversation seemed to quickly shift to, “So, when are you stopping?”
The first time I was confronted with that question, my chin may or may not have hit the floor. First of all, a six-month-old baby is still very much a baby. A 16 pound, non-crawling, just figured out how to roll, baby. I was shocked that people were already implying that it was time to call it quits. What would people think once they realized that I had planned to keep breastfeeding after a year? Or if I decided to keep going after two? What would that bad-ass breastfeeding mama from the cover of Times Magazine do in this situation?
While I understand that most people mean well and are just trying to carry a conversation, can we please stop asking women when they’ll be done breastfeeding? Despite your intentions, it can easily be perceived as invasive, rude, and weirdly judgemental. So here’s to you, unsolicited lady on the park bench who thinks she should have a say in my bodily functions: I don’t know. I understand that you stopped breastfeeding at six months and therefore think its the perfect time to stop. And maybe for you, it was. But for me? I. Don’t. Know.
So the next time you find yourself confronted by the boob-police on an unsuspecting park bench, please remember these three critical points:
It’s Good For Your Baby/Toddler/Child.
This is a given, but just in case you need a refresher, breastmilk contains: antibodies, hormones, stem cells, white blood cells, beneficial bacteria, probiotics, long-chain fatty acids, enzymes, sleep-regulating nucleotides, and the list only goes on. When am I going to stop breastfeeding, you ask? Better question: why should I want to?
It’s Good For You.
Breastfeeding releases those famous feel-good hormones, prolactin, and oxytocin. It helps your uterus return to its normal size after childbirth. Breastfeeding has been known to reduce your risk of breast and ovarian cancer. It might even reduce your risk of postpartum depression. And unless you’re like me and spend most of your nursing time online shopping, breastfeeding saves money.
It’s None Of Their Business.
Repeat after me: my baby, my boobs, my business. How long you do (or don’t!) breastfeed is nobody’s business. You don’t owe people an answer or an explanation; so if you don’t feel comfortable giving them one, don’t. Your only obligation is to trust your instincts and do what feels right for you and your family. And guess what? That’s exactly what you’re doing.
Yes! Yes! Yes! My daughter is just 8 months and on both sides I was recently asked if I was still nursing. I’m going as long as she will and my body will cooperate. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
You covered all the bases and you are so right!
Good job! We went 2 yrs and 3-4 months, until I was just tired of it. Our pediatrician had recommended going as long as possible due to me having an immediate family member with schizophrenia. He said it would make the child less likely to develop a mental illness as an adult.
Thank you for this. I triandem nurse my 3 kids. My oldest is 4 1/2yrs, middle is 3yrs and youngest is 14 mths. I get comments all the time about my youngest still nursing by people who don’t realize my older 2 still aren’t weaned yet. Kids don’t start losing their MILK teeth (aka baby teeth) until around 6 years old for a reason.
Yes! My daughter is 16 months, happy and thriving. When people say “oh your still nursing, till when” I want to say why do you care? I’m amazed every time.
Before I had my first baby I thought nursing after the child could walk was gross. When my first daughter was born I ended up nursing her until she was 4 and my milk dried up at 5 months pregnant. One day she started to nurse, stopped and said matter-of-factly, ” No more milk.” My 2nd daughter nursed through my 3rd pregnancy and tandem nursed for 2 more years. She was 5 when she weaned. My son weaned abruptly at 3 after seeing me in a hospital bed with an IV. So I was either pregnant or nursing or both from September 1992 through October 2003. I still miss those times. My middle daughter fondly nursing and remembers sneaking a nursing session alone and hearing her little brother’s footsteps getting closer and being disappointed to have to share.
It sad that we have to become a closet breastfeeder once they hit a certain age. My daughter was still going strong at 4. I just stop telling anyone. My pediatrician was saying how she should be on regular milk at one. lol she would not take regular milk! Why should she be on cows milk and not her mothers milk??? Hmmmm.
Yes!!! My girl is 10 months old, I hear this all the time! My answer “I’ll stop when it becomes your business” 😍🤪
Amen to this. I was told when my baby was old enough to sign the word milk then I needed to be done. My friend also told me Bf my baby caused a miscarriage and she also said my books will look like golf balls in a pair of socks.
Geez
Well they don’t! And even if they did I would not have made any different choice.
I don’t know how many times I have been asked this questions or told I need to stop breastfeeding before my second one is born. Breastfed my daughter my entire second pregnancy and continuing to tandem breastfeed both my daughters. One just turned two and other is three months old.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 My son is about to turn 1 & everyone keeps asking me when I’ll stop. I want to continue until he’s 18 months but have lied to people to get them off my back and have told them once he turns 1 I’ll stop! The WHO recommends nursing for 2 years but society has made me feel awkward for wanting to do this! 😞
I’m still nursing and my daughter is 18 months!! She loves the boob!
Thanks for this! I’m starting to get those comments too with my 11 month old.
You and confident and strong, Mama!!!
I nursed my daughter until she was just over 3 at that point it was just naps & bedtime & glad I did we were moving across the country and I didn’t want to make that much of a change for her so once we got settled in our new home we warmed on stopping then
My daughter just turned 18mo today and is showing no signs of stopping. My son stopped on his own at 16mo. 😍
Yes!! I love this! We have made it 13 months!!!! Never did I think I would make it this long, I am so happy! I never set a goal nor do I have one, it’s always been if WE make it to the next month I will be happy. So I. Don’t. Know.
Now more then ever, I do get this question often. I also get, “Don’t you think its time to be done.” I often respond with yeah, we are going to start Soon. But what I really want to say is, “Don’t you think it’s none of your business or none of your decision to weigh in on?!” I second the above comment! I am going for as long as she will continue to nurse and my body will cooperate🎉🎉🎉
My mom breastfed all 5 of her babies into toddler-hood, is a great example to me, and is so supportive! I’m still going strong with my 13 month old and loving it! No plans to stop anytime soon.
I just say “We are just getting the hang of it!”
I nursed my first until he self-weaned at 18 months. I had only set out to nurse him until a year but it was going so well that I felt like we should continue until he was done. I had my second in September and I was already asked how long I was planning on nursing… my response: “until he’s done.”
My little man is 8 months and I’ve never really been confronted by Boob Police. In fact, I find I get looks of empowerment! We’ll see if that changed as he ages. Thanks for ideas of how to respond! I love all my Latched Mama clothing!
Yes! My toddler is 23 months old and I’ll continue to nurse her as long as she wants. I added up all the months I’ve nursed our kiddos and I’m at 10 years and a few months!
Holy WOW! You are a super MAMA!
My babygirl is 19 months old & has no interest in stopping. I see people side-eye me or hear comments often. I will always be an advocate for breastfeeding. I have caught numerous viruses, including the flu twice, being a teacher & my breastfed baby never got any of my illnesses despite exposure. Discouraged or pressured mamas, know that this is between you & your tiny human!
Just hit the 19 month mark with my youngest. We will be continuing for a long while I think!
Yessssss! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Idk why everyone thinks it’s weird after 6mo. What is magical about 6mo? I remember my father in law being unable to comprehend that I was breastfeeding a baby with teeth. Well, ppl have been doing it since the beginning of time.
I breastfed my first for 13mo and then he was done. He weaned himself. My second was 33mo. (If ppl knew that……oh the scandal!!!!!) but he needed it and wanted it and it worked out just fine. And my current little is so far 5mo and counting. My goal has always been to make it one more day until at least a year.
I remember seeing my mom nurse my youngest sibling. It made nursing very normal (as it should be) for me. I’m glad my two older children have been able to see their younger sibling nursing and know that it’s totally normal and wonderful!
I have been blessed to be able to become a milk donor with some extra milk this time around, and I am SO thankful to be able to help some NICU babies out and give them a better chance at life! Who knows, maybe that 33 mo of nursing #2 helped us have extra this time around? So all you fellow nursing Mamas out there…….go go go for what works best for you and your baby!!!! You are amazing!
Thank you LM for making nursing access SO much easier!!!!
Coming up on 2.5 years.
I started getting pressure to stop at 4 weeks from my in laws.
I’m getting all sorts of comments from the wives of my husbands friends. We’ve nursed through ties, thrush, pinching and twiddling, stomach bug, Disney world, holidays with awkward in laws, and the flu.
Thankful for the tanks and tees from latched mama that makes nighttime and public nursing a breeze!
So true. My work was so supportive for the 1st…3 months and now it seems they are supprised. I dont even pump at work anymore. I’m breastfeeding at this point when it doesn’t feel as stressful for me. I want to get my child through cold and flue season. My own personal feelings. Its weird how something so young is suddenly precieved as “old enough” for so many unhealthy things to be intraduced but stopping something healthy is taboo.
I got a lot of comments when my first kept breastfeeding through most of my pregnancy with my second. She was only 17 months when she self-weaned, but I was in my third trimester, and people thought it was so weird. Apparently people think you have to wean the second you get pregnant. Fortunately, my OB was super supportive and encouraged me to keep going as long as it was working for me and my daughter!
Yes! I nursed my oldest to 18 months (when I had to start on some medicine that wasn’t good with BF)
I nursed my second to 2 years and a couple weeks. I brought it to an end because of the grief I was getting from my family.
Third baby is 10 months old and they have already started joking about how long I’ll nurse him. We will see, and their talk doesn’t bother me now 😁
Ppl can be such jerks. It’s awful when family isn’t supportive of something so good and natural. I’m glad it doesn’t bother you now, but it’s terrible they are making jokes. You are doing an amazing thing for you and your little one!
I would feel awesome if I could make it to 6 -8 months. I’ve had to get some lactation cookies powders what nots to keep going this long. My little one is 4 months today and he eats a ton. He has a very high metabolism. I make just enough. When he goes through growth spurts I see myself going into my freezer packs. He is also starting to bite down on me this week. I don’t know if I can keep going on when he gets teeth. He is so rough. I will at least pump until he is one. I just know I really want him to get my breast milk until he is one if I can. 🤞🤞
I barely had enough for my oldest and he started biting too. My neighbor told me to immediately push him into my breast when he bit me and he would unlatch. Worked really well. A few times of that and he wasn’t too interested in biting me while nursing anymore. We were able to keep going until he wanted to wean at 13 mo. You’ve got this mama!
My little guy is nearly three and a half and we are still nursing! Hang in there mamas. I think the questions and chatter are even worse now that he’s older! But I’m determined to go until he weans! 💪
I breastfed my last #4 the longest and that was when he self weaned at 2 year and 4 months. The others I stopped when I got pregnant again and they were close to two. I always get family and others asking around 10 months when I planned to stop. It took until #4 for people to stop asking so soon. I tell them it’s good for him and for me and as long as he wants to nurse I’ll let him.
27 months and still going. It’s usually just when he’s tired, but I’m glad to still be giving him even a little bit of all the good things breast milk contains. Thankfully, people don’t really ask me about it anymore. They all assume I’ve stopped long ago, and I’m fine with that. I don’t really have a deadline picked out, but the first 2-year molar is just starting to poke through and it’s flu season, and I’m hoping to continue through these times. I’ll be happy when he’s done, but I also know I’ll be really sad when I realize we’ve had our last time. Three cheers to all the mamas who wanted to breastfeed, whether it worked out or not, whether it was a long time or a short time; you’re awesome for trying!
Thank you! I needed this reminder! We are just over 13 months 🙂
My baby boy is 18 months and we’re still breastfeeding. It’s mostly just for comfort and ritual now, but we both still enjoy it. So, why stop? Right now he’s quite sick with a bad cough and what we suspect is an ear infection. He has been breastfeeding more than normal the last few days, because it’s providing him much-needed comfort. But, it’s also providing fluids and nutrients to help him heal faster. I’ve been asked when we’re stopping. I don’t have a good answer either other than, “when we’re both ready to stop, which isn’t right now”. This is my going to be my only baby, so I’m going to cherish this time I have as much as I can.
I SOOOOO love this article! Nursing both of my babes was hard—and stressful. I struggled to produce with my first. My family knew, and I thought they were supportive of my attempts to continue pumping. When my oldest was about 6 months, my mom saw the measly 1-oz of expressed milk from my last pump session. She said, “Aww, is that the best you could do?” I was FLOORED, because it WAS the best I could do. And my own mother was condemning me for it. I felt awful.
Now with my second, I decided I wanted to quit nursing/pumping after 4 months, We’ve had lots of issues. (Low production—although higher this time than before—horrible latch, tongue, lip, and cheek ties, pinching/biting…more pain than most people could ever understand.) When I told my mom that I planned to wean my daughter, she said, “Already?!” Again…floored!
People—for the most part—don’t mean to be cruel. Or judgmental. But it really is a tough question to be faced with. You NEVER know what a mama and her babe have gone through. So just smile and shut up—unless you want to tell her how awesome she is and that she’s doing an amazing job. That’s always welcome.
Thank you for sharing this and getting the message out there!
This article hit the topic of conversation I had had with a few people lately. My baby is now almost 16 months and we are going strong with breastfeeding. I have been told that it is probably time to wean now, why don’t I just stop, aren’t I tired of it yet. Thank you for the article. Gave me some uplifting mom support to keep on until my baby and I are ready to be done.
You go, Mama! Only you and your baby know what is best is both of you! 🙂
My son is 22 months and my mom keeps asking me how long I am going to breastfeed him. She has dementia, so she forgets my answer. Fortunately, she’s the only one who asks about it.
This question is all the more devastating when it comes from people you care about rather than strangers. For me, it came from my mom who insists that as soon as babies had teeth it was time to be done. My first baby got teeth at four months, and at that point babies are entirely relying on mama’s for their food! I found it helpful to have a few scientific facts ready to pull out whenever I got that question, because my mom is very logical.
Fellow mamas, remember: for every unsupportive person out there, there are even more supportive ones! I have two great sisters and a couple of mama friends that are 100% with me! If you don’t have someone in-person to talk to about breastfeeding, there are lots of resources if you need support. Check out a local breastfeeding circle, or look online for a breastfeeding support group!
My daughter is almost 2 and a half and I am still breastfeeding her. As long as she wants it and my boobs can produce it I’m going to be a breastfeeding mama. She’s my fourth and I feel terrible not breastfeeding my other ones as long but I was younger and less knowledgeable. So to all the breastfeeding Mama’s who do it for one month or three years way to go.. I will be extremely sad when I stop breastfeeding my little one. I dread the thought. So as of now I cherish every breastfeeding moment.
I BF my son until he was 2 and a half the only reason I stopped is because I became pregnant with my daughter that is now 3 months old. I plan to do the same length if she wants it still that is.
Love this post. My son will be two next Wednesday and there are no signs that we’ll be stopping anytime soon- he and I both still love it so I don’t see any reason to stop <3
I really needed to read this email. My 3rd and last child just turned 3 and I’m still letting him nurse at night. Lots of comments from some of my family but others route me on. I just just have to turn the other cheek and go on.
Thank you!
You’re confidence, strength and love for your little one is inspiring! Enjoy all the special time you can get!
My son is 17 months old and LOVES nursing. It’s our cuddle time. He’s my fifth (and probably last) child, so I’m just enjoying the experience before being done. The longest I’ve nursed any of my kids was about 17-18 months. I’m sure we’ll start to wean soon, but for now I cherish those sweet snuggles. I love my Latched Mama nursing clothes and wish I’d had them for all my kids!
Thank you for this post! Nursing my 4th, just turned 2. My older three were 3.5, 3 and 5 when they gave it up! Getting past my first baby (and all the “advice” that it was time to stop) was the hardest. After that people know to leave you alone 😉
My youngest daughter was breastfed until just after 3 years my longest and I plan to do the same with the next one here soon!! Best years ever she’s thrived so much from it it was sad when she stopped and I miss it. I wish people would just accept we know what is best for our children.