Dear Dads,

Hey.  Hi. It’s nearly Mother’s Day, and we need to talk.

Your partner might not want to tell you this, so I’m going to do you a solid and let you know.

She doesn’t want you to make her breakfast in bed with the kids.

She doesn’t want you to ask her what you should do for YOUR mom.

She doesn’t want you to be all, pssh, this holiday is manufactured and dumb (unless she has already shared this sentiment with you herself!).

And you know what?

I don’t know what she wants, and you don’t either, but she very well may know what she wants, and you need to make sure that there isn’t a huge gaping Grand Canyon between your expectation and hers.

So you need to ask.  Ask. Her. What. She. Wants.

And then, when she tells you, do that thing.  Like, if it is at ALL within your power to make that happen, make it happen.  Don’t substitute in something else, don’t schedule a brunch if she says she wants to read in bed uninterrupted for a few hours.  If she asks you to do something, do not make her do the planning. If this is her first mother’s day as a mom, she might have expectations based on how her family celebrated (or didn’t celebrate!) the day when she was growing up, and that expectation may be different from your experience and expectation.  Do not assume you know what her expectation is, or you are looking at upset that could have been avoided! There is nothing worse than going into an often long-awaited holiday only to be left hanging, receive nothing, or have a big to-do made when you really *didn’t* want anything, because you have baggage the other person isn’t aware of, or you have desires the other person isn’t aware of.  As a person set to potentially receive things on this holiday, yes, it’d be nice if moms all were straight-up with their expectations, but it’s also challenging being a mom who sometimes just wants to be acknowledged for all of the mom work we do without asking for it.

So dads.  Partners. Other moms.

Just ask.

Love,

Hayley

*quietly sings “You’re Welcome” from Moana*