Category Archives: Features

The Face I Make When People Ask a New Mom What Her New Year’s Resolution Is (Especially If It’s about the Baby Weight)

Look. I have nothing against New Year’s resolutions.  Self-improvement is a lifetime process, it’s good to have goals, it’s good to try to be the best people we can be. But I propose not asking the new moms in your life what their New Year’s resolutions are.  Or, if you’re a new mom yourself, feel free to feel a tug

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My Top Five Most Embarrassing Mom Moments (Don’t Judge Meeeeee)

Everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?   My child loudly proclaiming, “My mama has hair on her BUTT!” Thanks, kid! You’re welcome, fellow Walgreens shoppers!  (Also, I refuse to confirm or deny this allegation.)   Having the nurse at the pediatrician announce loudly (so loudly! Why so loudly?!) to

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10 Best Lies to Tell Your Kids When Halloween Candy Mysteriously Goes Missing

Those Kit-Kats were dangerously expired  I had no choice but to dispose of them.  It was for your own good. I love you that much, sweetie! You’re allergic to Peppermint Patties, don’t you remember sweetie?  I had no choice but to remove them from your pumpkin bucket.  (This one is really long-lasting and beneficial beyond just one Halloween!  Bonus Peppermint Patties

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