5 Simple Things That Lowered My Anxiety with a Newborn
I have battled anxiety since I was a teenager. My brain has always liked to imagine how things can go wrong. After years of self-improvement and making major progress with my anxiety, having a newborn was the ultimate trigger for it all to come rushing back.
I had never felt so vulnerable in my life as when I first held my daughter. The overwhelming feeling of protectiveness and absolute, all-consuming fear driven by how helpless she was, made it hard to enjoy those first weeks together. I just couldn’t shake the constant fear of what if something bad happened to her. I found myself afraid to sleep or leave her for a few moments because of the fear of what could happen if I let my guard down.
Watching other people hold her had me convinced they would drop her. I showered frantically so I could get back to her immediately and know she was safe. The first time my sister convinced me to go pick up pizza five minutes away and leave my newborn with her gave me full-blown panic. I would even push my face up to the mesh side in her bassinet to double-check that she could breathe if she rolled over into it. My mind constantly raced through worst-case scenarios ALL DAY LONG. I was trapped in a cycle of what-ifs and not enjoying my daughter and motherhood like I wanted to.
In those early weeks, I slowly clawed my way out of this anxiety spiral. Two years later, I feel like 90% of my parenting moments are free of worry. But I have to work at it every day. And I still check to make sure she is breathing at least once a night and will probably still be doing it when she is 16. Oh well.
Here are a few things that helped me in those first weeks:
Go through a list of what you are grateful for at the moment
I know this sounds a little cheesy, but it works. Whenever I start future tripping over all the things that could go wrong, I go through a list of what I am grateful for at the moment. It stops the churning in my head and roots me to the present. When I am done with my list, the anxiety has usually passed. I also try to generate a few positive what-ifs. It’s a lot more fun to imagine a healthy, happy future than a tragedy.
Cut out negative media
In times of high anxiety, I take a break from reading or watching all news outlets, stay away from social media (or at least unfollow social media accounts that are negative), and avoid movies with any hint of tragedy. I just can’t do it in times of vulnerability and worry. I am not suggesting you shut out all negativity for the rest of your life, but that in those first few weeks with a newborn you surround yourself with positivity, humor, and kindness as much as possible. My go-to? Watching re-runs of Friends and The Office with a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin.
Call your anxiety out
Don’t suffer in silence. I always liked the saying “name it to tame it”. Talk about your anxiety, no matter how irrational it is, with your partner, a family member, or a friend who won’t judge you. The second I outed my fear and brought it into the light, its power faded. My husband listened to the endless list of what-ifs and eventually, it got better. It seems so simple, yet I often forget to say, “Hey I’m struggling with this thought, can I get some support.”
Self-care
As a new mom, I hated how self-care was so casually tossed around when you have a new baby. Like it’s easy to just pamper yourself or sleep when the baby sleeps. My response was always, BUT HOW!? I can’t find time to even drink my coffee before it turns cold. And I can’t turn my brain off enough to fall asleep quickly. But what worked for me was to reframe self-care as not feeling guilty if I’m unable to do everything. If I am kicking ass as a mom and feeding my baby around the clock, then other stuff has to slip. I didn’t clean for weeks, we had a ton of takeout meals, I sent birthday gifts late, and I turned in work that was just good enough. This allowed me to find the energy to reflect, relax, and work through my anxiety.
Embrace imperfection
In addition to all the fear about what could happen, there are those moments where something truly bad could have happened. Like the time I got to the grocery store and realized I hadn’t fully clipped in my daughter’s car seat, or barely caught her just as she was tipping off of the couch or watched in horror as she somehow kicked her highchair over while still strapped to it. My husband and I always remind each other to embrace imperfect parenting. We learn from mistakes, sure, but we are quick to move away from guilt and embrace a little (or a lot) of “failure”. I do my best to take the pressure off, knowing I can’t prevent every hardship.
I am now getting ready to welcome another baby into our lives in just a few weeks. Admittedly, I am intimidated by the anxiety battle I know is coming. I hope I can let myself rest in the joy of those newborn days a little more this time and maybe only check to make sure she is breathing 3 times a night.
Such good points, mama! I do not struggle from postpartum depression much, but 3 babies later I’ve realized I most definitely suffer from postpartum anxiety. And it’s just like you said- it all goes back to the immense responsibility for this helpless little creature that you love so much. Even walking down the sharp knife aisle once felt unsafe- lol! (but I was able to realize that that was not reality, only anxiety).
After the hormones start leveling back out around six weeks, it gets a lot better. But it’s work for sure! I do all I can to take care of myself through vitamins and even trying to help the hormone leveling process.
I’m glad you shared because a lot of mamas probably struggle with this and don’t realize.
Good luck with that sweet second baby! ❤️❤️
I felt like I was reading my own story. I keep telling my husband I feel like I’m going crazy. My anxiety is so high. I currently sitting next to my new born as my mother in law holds him. She’s a great grandma but my mind runs with what ifs. I just wish I could turn it off. I’m going to try your tips. I really appreciate your bringing this topic to the surface. It should be normalized and talked about! Thank you for the tips I hope I can overcome this anxiety.
Thank you! This is so helpful. I had a baby a few months ago and it was a big anxiety thing. I still freak a bit when she has a cold and stuffy nose. So relatable.
Thank you for this I’m currently 11 days after birth and omg the thought of what ifs, consume me and google medical has been my friend lol, but gonna try to look at the positive and focus on what currently going on
I relate to this so much, I find myself googling everything. Why she poops so much, why she vomits or spits up, why does she grunt, is formula safe; will it’s cause side, it’s an infinite amount of googling. I also had a C-section and I’m constantly worried I’m not healing well, any pain I feel I think I’m going to die, it’s so horrible to feel this way but I know this will pass. It’s such a relief to know I’m not alone in this, although it’s not fair we have to go through such things.
That google rabbit hole can be a scary sometimes too, but your concern just shows how much you love your little one. It is awesome to be a student of your child!
Same. My c-section did have complications. The incision came open and my intestines came out. Now on top of worrying about everything that could go wrong with my daughter, I’m constantly worried I’m pushing myself too hard to be a super mom and hindering healing again.
Wow I feel like I could have written this! Especially the bit about not being able to sleep because of worry! when the drs say sleep when baby sleeps I was literally like HOW DO OTHER WOMEN DO THIS? Is there something wrong with me! Those first couple of weeks were rough! It was me feeding her, or watching her like a hawk whilst she slept for fear of her stopping breathing! The exhaustion was debilitating! Thank you for normalising this type of anxiety! It’s so reassuring to know that you’re not the only one feeling like this!
Honestly have never related to words more than those in this article! Those first two paragraphs are to a tee how I’ve felt the past few weeks. Trying to call it out and it’s helping but WOW the overwhelming protectiveness and constantly running worst case scenarios through my head are more intense than I thought they would be.
I love your blogs because I can relate so much as a first time mom with an almost 2 month old. I impulsively watched a YouTuber discuss her daughter dying at 9 weeks suddenly with SIDS.. and learned my lesson. My son was sleeping downstairs with my husband and I checked on him twice during the hours I was supposed to be sleeping after watching that video. Mostly because the girl’s daughter had stopped breathing when the husband was downstairs with her sleeping. Now I tell myself I can’t watch anything like that because it causes such anxiety! I was so afraid of what to let him sleep in, for fear he’d suffocate. However, he hasn’t been able to stay asleep in his bassinet so he co-sleeps on the couch or in his rocker at least until he starts rolling over. I agree that sometimes we just have to let go of our fears and be grateful for the positives each day.
I’m going to take these tips in advance! I am having my first child, a baby girl, and I have been worried how my postpartum will turn out. I hear everyone has a different affect. Either way I am nervous to go through it. This is a great article and I’m glad I ran across this to prepare myself with positive steps to take.
Sitting here rocking my little one to sleep and reading this has given me so much comfort knowing that others go through all of this too and are feeling what I’m feeling and reading other peoples stories. I can 100% relate to this literally all of this! Postpartum is a harder road than I thought to navigate and have found myself so many times in the google rabbit hole all while my emotions are all over the place. With a newborn there’s SO many what ifs and unknowns, sometimes you just have to forget about all the outside noise and different advice that is thrown around and just go with your gut and do what you think is the best for you and your baby.