Will I Ever Feel Like I Am Done Having Kids?
Our plan was always to try and have two kids. My husband and I had easily agreed that two would be the perfect number and we were blessed with our plans becoming a reality. We now have a three-year-old and an eleven-month-old. What I didn’t expect was the desire to have a third kid.
During my entire second pregnancy, I tried to really soak up the experience and memorize how it felt to carry my baby for nine months, knowing that this was the last time. I felt ready to be done. When our second baby was three months old, I started to box up her newborn clothes that she had outgrown to give away. As I sat on her floor surrounded by tiny onesies, I started to feel uneasy. I realized I didn’t want to give the clothes away. I wasn’t sure I was finished having kids.
This shocked me. Up until that point I had been at peace with stopping at two kids. Plus, I am a planner and two was the plan. I don’t often deviate from my plans, especially concerning major life decisions.
I jokingly mentioned to my husband that maybe we should store the baby clothes for a while just in case. I was shocked that he didn’t immediately freak out or shut down the prospect of another kid. He was actually open to it. And so, the debate about having one more kid began.
For many months now, we have continued to go back and forth about having another baby. I don’t feel like I am done having kids, but I also don’t feel completely sure I want to take on one more. I don’t know if I have the energy emotionally or physically. I worry I would be spread so thin I couldn’t give my kids all the attention and support they deserve.
It is mainly the first few months with another newborn that scares me the most. Postpartum is hard on my body and mind. The lack of sleep just about kills me every time. While I love the newborn snuggles, I don’t want the brain fog, discomfort, and chaos of those first few months. But I don’t want to be deterred from having another kid by just those first few months. I would rather make the decision based on a lifetime of having a new child in our lives.
The other day I met a mom at the park who decided to go for child number three after a lot of debate. Now she is pregnant with twins. Yikes.
Each day my answer is different about wanting another kid. Logically I probably should be done, but my heart wants one more. Will I ever feel like I am done having kids? Will any number of children make me feel like I am ready to give away all those newborn clothes? Maybe choosing to not expand our family will always be a hard decision, whether I have two kids or ten.
I wish I could simply wait a year or two and give this decision some time, but I am in my late 30s and my husband is in his late 40s, so we don’t have a lot of time to play with. I feel the pressure to go for it soon or accept being done.
I appreciate that I get to live in this place of turmoil because we have been lucky enough to be able to get pregnant and chase our dream of a family. I am grateful the option for a third child can even be on the table.
I know I wouldn’t regret having another kid, but I might just regret it if I don’t. So, for now, I think my answer is yes, I want another child. We don’t have room in our house or our car, but maybe logic should take a back seat on this one because I definitely have room in my heart for one more.
This is entirely me. Completely. Down to the age of the husband and self.
Go for the third, Ms Nelson
I think for some it’s a tough thing to accept the start of a new chapter in life. I am the mother of 6! I will be 41 in a few short weeks and my youngest is 3 months old. I am not sure I am ready to say I am done. My body may be at this age however. Just in case I kept half of everything. If it happens it was meant to. As a mom of 6! I say go for it!
You are a rock star! Every stage as a mama is so fun, interesting, and challenging, isn’t it?
How about being a foster parent of infants? A win-win-win for everyone!
From the surface, this seems like a reasonable solution. But fostering a newborn is 1000x harder than having your own newborn. Most newborns in foster care are there due to neglect and/or drugs. The brain fog and discomfort of helping a newborn detox off drugs takes a toll on one’s health like most people will never experience.
This was me 100%. Our third is now 3 months old. I had some of the same questions about a forth and actually entertained some discussions about it. But I am also ready to be done with pregnancy and postpartum life. I think I have realized I may always doubt my decision to stop and that’s ok. Each of my children bring me so much joy in their own unique ways. I’m still stopping though.
On a more practical note- our two oldest are sharing a room with their aunt and we’ll figure out a way to fit #3 once she’s done in our room. And even my husband’s Toyota camry can handle 3 carseats.
I’ve never been blessed with biological children, but I’m a licensed foster mom. I’m hearing referrals right now and I’m waiting for the ‘right’ situation, but I don’t know if that will be one, two or three children. My last was a set of two and super challenging, but I think that was the childrem themselves and not the number. I’ve also decided to start trying to conceive again after a miscarriage last year. Part of me is worried that I’m going to say yes to fostering three children, them find out I’m pregnant! But if I don’t try for either, then I will certainly have no children. I say open yourself to the possibilities and except what comes. I’m trying to be brave and do the same.
Thank you for all you do for the kids who need you right now. It sounds like you ARE brave and kind.
We did IVF and after it took four years to have our first, and just one year to have our second, immediately after our second was born I knew I wanted a third so badly in spite of being in my late 30s and my husband five years older. After my second was a year we transferred our final embryo and had a chemical pregnancy. I was devastated and thought it was a sign that we were meant to be done. I thought the same things – maybe I’m just a person who will always want just one more? A month later I became pregnant spontaneously, my first spontaneous pregnancy ever. And that baby is now 6mos old and she is the best encore to our first two! So far I’ve boxed up lots of clothes, bassinets, etc and passed them on. And it’s a bit bittersweet, but I know in my heart we are done and we are content. May what is meant to happen, happen!
What a beautiful story and wonderful surprise!
Oh my gosh congrats on your spontaneous pregnancy!! What a huge blessing!!
Love your story! I’m expecting baby #2 and can’t imagine a third. Daycare for 2 will make it a tough choice whether to keep working just to pay childcare or pause my career to care for 2. If you have the desire and the financial means I would say go for it!!
My youngest are twins and turning 5 soon. Everyday I want more kids but I had to have a hysterectomy when they were 2…. Hubby doesn’t want to adopt. I feel stuck in the always wanting more phase.
I would not procrastinate if at any little piece of you would like to have a third child then you should do it. Children are the biggest gift of life and the love for them is unconditional you will not regret it.
Adding our third has been our easiest transition! And we have 3 under 5!
This was me!! I have 4 and wasn’t sure if I was done having babies as much as I miss the newborn phase I get freaked out of the idea of having another one. My youngest is almost 2 so the thought of starting over scares me. I always pray that I just get a feeling that when I’m supposed to be done having kids I will know!! I always told myself I’d never regret having another baby I’d always regret not having another baby!! Best of luck as you decide what’s best for your family!!!
I get this! I am pregnant with my fourth boy and have decided that we are done, but I’m afraid I’ll change my mind later! I was hoping this article would help me get some clarity somehow hahaha
I am a labor and delivery nurse and I don’t think I’ve ever heard a mama regretting having “one more”. I’ve only heard of mamas regretting not having that “one more”! Who knows… that extra one baby could be the biggest blessing and be a different baby than your other two altogether. ❤️