After 38 long weeks of carrying a baby inside me and nearly three months of caring for said child postpartum, I was ready for some adult time. When my partner suggested getting away to celebrate the new year, part of me welcomed the idea with open arms, while another part of me was immediately riddled with anxiety.

While I knew that I needed a break, leaving my infant for five whole days to go to Vegas seemed completely inappropriate. I was between a rock and a hard place but ultimately decided to cater to my own needs for the first time since becoming a mom.

I needed to sleep for more than three hours straight; I needed to reconnect with my partner *wink wink*; and I desperately needed some time to be an adult, have some drinks, and dance the night away guilt-free!

We cautiously booked our trip with some friends and I finally turned my attention to our most important logistical issue: breast milk. My experience with my first post-baby baecation taught me that it’s never too early to plan for a breastfeeding emergency and it’s never too early to normalize self-care as a parent.

I don’t take it for granted that I am one of the lucky mothers. I consider my best friend to be a breastfeeding expert and she encouraged me early on to squirrel away a few ounces of milk in the freezer every now and again. Because I knew early on that I wanted to travel, I made it a personal goal to have several days’ worth of stashed milk in the freezer so that I wouldn’t have to resort to formula unless there was a real emergency happening.

When we decided to go to Vegas, my older sister volunteered to watch my son. She was a breastfeeding mother herself whose own baby was only three weeks my son’s senior. She knew just how precious my liquid gold was and I was confident that she wouldn’t let a drop go to waste.

Unfortunately, my happiness and relief didn’t last forever. I’d planned everything so perfectly for my son’s stay but failed to carefully plan for myself. It turns out Vegas is a very long way from Virginia. Against my better judgment, I’d tucked away my electric pump inside my checked luggage and convinced myself that I could wait to pump until we were squared away in the hotel. OMG. Never again. Ever.

Going from feeding an infant every three hours to not expressing any milk for about eight hours was extremely painful. During these hours, I wished I had those leaky breasts like some other women I knew. Then maybe I’d have some relief. But, alas. They just kept swelling until we finally arrived in our hotel room. I immediately scrounged through my luggage to find my pump and accompanying pumping bra. I quickly pumped out several ounces and vowed never to be this stupid again.

Over the next few days, I enjoyed alone time with my partner, alone time with myself, and the good company of friends. The pump was like a small anchor that kept me from getting too crazy or going too far. I knew that every few hours I had to head back up to my room and do my due diligence or suffer the consequences of my own physical pain and/or a possible shortage of milk for my little one.

Admittedly, my pumping sessions weren’t nearly as regular as they would have been at home, but that was a compromise I made to myself. I wanted to feel free, if only for the extra hour here or there. After all, I was on a vacation. I don’t think I’d realized how taxing breastfeeding had been. While it was a beautiful experience, it also made it impossible to operate outside of my son’s feeding schedule which left me feeling like a slave to my own body. I knew I would have to go back to that schedule after a few days’ time, so I owed it to my mental health to let my hair down.

This trip to Vegas taught me so much about being a mom. I learned that I am a much better mother after I’ve had rest and relaxation. In terms of breastfeeding, I learned to navigate a plan of action for both pumping and breastfeeding. This helped me when I needed to travel, as well as when I was working or out and about in my community. Most of all, I learned that every mother, and parent, is different.

I’m sure there are some parents who would judge me for going on a vacation with a baby so young at home, or not realizing that there are actually pumping rooms for mothers in many airports. But it is important to have grace for new parents as we navigate through the next several years. My baby was well fed throughout my trip, and my spirit was nurtured as I lived carefree for a few short moments.

Wherever or not you have breastfed or you choose to do so in the future, always remember to take those special moments for yourself. You don’t need to run away to Vegas (but I’m totally here for it if you do), but you do need to find ways to honor yourself as a hard-working parent.  You deserve this and so much more.