Parenthood is no joke. It becomes real for some moms when they see the little blue cross on their early detection pregnancy test; for others, it starts with the barely noticeable flutters moving inside their growing bump. Regardless of when you become aware of it, one thing is for sure — becoming a mom dramatically changes your life, literally, overnight.

For some women, transitioning to motherhood is a graceful, albeit demanding shift. But for many others, it’s a disruptive metamorphosis that challenges their whole self-image. If you’re a new mom who’s taken to parenthood like a fish to water, that’s awesome! On the other hand, if you’re reading this as a new mom who feels like you haven’t quite reconciled with your new role yet, that’s totally normal too!

The fact of the matter is, nothing can really prepare you for the changes you’ll experience once your little one is brought into the world. Yet, many of us approach parenting systematically. I myself was an expectant mom who wanted to know everything there was to know about every milestone of life. I attended prenatal classes with vigor and researched tirelessly on what to expect. I devised strategic plans with timelines and set highly unrealistic expectations for myself. I read books on baby massage and several hundred reviews on the best burp cloths — seriously. But, after bringing three wonderful little humans into the world, I can safely say that all of the research in the world didn’t prepare me for birth and beyond — and that’s okay. 

Raising another human is no easy feat. Not only is the process entirely unique and personal, but it can also be fraught with unexpected circumstances and steep learning curves. Although we’ve come a long way over the past few decades, there’s still a cultural disjoint between how we perceive ourselves as mothers and as women. Yes, we’re in the 21st century, and women can, and do, have it all — but like anything in life, balance is key. 

It’s perfectly normal to get so wrapped up in your gorgeous new addition that you forget about yourself for a little while, but it’s important to set aside some time to recharge and feel like yourself again. The fact of the matter is, the woman you were doesn’t simply cease to exist when you become a mother. In fact, she becomes even more accomplished and independent and fierce. Your body and mind have achieved miraculous things, and it’s essential to nourish and appreciate it more than ever before. 

Balance can be a constant struggle for new moms. We often find it difficult to justify alone time and feel selfish for pursuing activities solely for our enjoyment. When you’re feeling overwhelmed — as we all get from time to time — it’s essential that you remember to be kind to yourself. It’s okay to ignore the laundry and go for coffee with a friend. It’s okay to treat yourself to a cute new dress for a date night with your significant other. And it’s imperative that you take some time out to recharge while reflecting on the fantastic job that you’re doing. 

Of course, becoming a parent changes your life significantly, but that doesn’t mean you should lose yourself in the process. What a child needs more than anything, is a present, happy, and self-aware mom who is gentle with herself. On the days where you don’t feel as confident as you’d like to, trust yourself and know that you are doing the best you can. Despite our best efforts, it’s impossible to prepare for life as a parent — and in many ways, this uncomfortable fact is liberating. You aren’t meant to have all of the answers to everything; no parent does. By its very nature, this is one of the most challenging aspects of parenthood. Fortunately, one of the most comforting aspects is that it simply doesn’t matter — your child will love you regardless.