I know, I know. You’re finally having a baby, finally ready to register for all the cute breastfeeding gear (pro-tip: you can add stuff from any website to a baby registry by using the Amazon Assistant universal wishlist extension.  But once you’ve picked out your faves, don’t forget this other important thing when preparing for your new baby: mom friends.

Stuff can be helpful, but it was my mom friends who kept me from walking over the cliff when breastfeeding was really difficult for me.  

It was my mom friends who had recommendations about how to get my baby to sleep when white noise apps and rocking weren’t working.

It was my mom friends who sent me care packages of literal snacks to take to work so I wouldn’t forget to eat on the days when I needed to pump.  (Eating was somehow always something I would forget to do — taking care of myself was never first, even when it should have been, like when I was at work trying to function and keep my supply up!)

Mom friends will help carry you.  When you feel at your lowest, they can swoop in and help.  They are what got me through new motherhood — not fancy baby sleep sacks or white noise apps.  Okay maybe my back carrier helped me make it through too, but MOSTLY it was my mom friends who helped me succeed and survive, and eventually, thrive.

And I know it’s hard.  Making friends as an adult is TOUGH.  Mom-friending is rough too sometimes — it’s a bit like awkward dating, making sure you share some core values before deciding to hang out often is a hard thing to suss out sometimes.  It’s awkward, even before you account for being sleep deprived! But if you find that mom friend or two or three or (if you’re lucky) a whole group, you will someday find yourself like me, raving and waving hands wildly to all expecting and new moms saying, “Get thee to the mom friend store!”

Except of course that doesn’t exist.  Even though it SHOULD.

So this is what I propose: When you go register for baby things and those cute shoes that the baby will wear once for pictures and never keep on her feet again, you should be able to register for mom friends.  

But until that technology thing happens, I’ll have to settle for telling you to look around in your life and community for the mamas who are making it work, and latch onto them.  They’ll be your lifeline. And the time will come when you need one! So look now, do the work, expect to struggle, and eventually, be that mom friend to the next new mom who needs one too.