Dear New Mama,

I know.  It’s so hard right now.  And the world is telling you the most important thing is your baby.  This is true in a way, but I’m also here to tell you that your experience is important too, and sacrificing your comfort and mental health is both part of parenthood (alas) and also something that you deserve to mitigate as much as possible.  Discomfort, mental instability, and pain are not badges of honor in motherhood, no matter what anyone else says; they’re part of the package, but not things you have to experience like a dull knife in your gut.

Take care of yourself, and refuse to apologize for it.

Since I know what new motherhood is like, I have the benefit of having some lived experience under my belt, and along with that, suggestions for self-care that can help you as you figure out this new version of your life.

1. Audiobooks & Kindles.  I’ve had people tell me proudly (proudly!) that they haven’t read a book in years; that as soon as kids arrived, reading was the first thing to go.  Look, maybe reading isn’t your favorite thing in the world. But if it is important to you, having kids doesn’t have to obliterate it from your life.  Find a way to enjoy what you like, even if it’s via a new medium. Having an eReader was a lifesaver when I found myself stuck under a baby; balancing a simple tablet with one hand was infinitely easier than a paper book (sorry paper books).  Likewise, pumping was so much better when I had something to focus on other than my annoyance.
2. Say no to people.  Figure out your priority things and say no to things that don’t fall under that umbrella. As women, we’re often the first person contacted, whether it’s a meal train, a bake sale, or a girl’s trip.  These things are not bad things! But allow yourself to say no and feel no guilt if they are becoming more stressful than enjoyable.
3. Pass the buck.  I’ll bet you are the first person contacted by the nanny, the pediatrician, literally everyone involved in your child’s life whenever anyone has a problem, update, or random need to call you.  If there’s a problem, you’re at the top of the list. This is your gentle push to pass the buck; if you are the primary for everything, tell the person the next time they call you first that oh, by the way, here’s my partner’s number, you can call them too!  In fact, they should put them first on the list, please and thank you.
4. Nurse in comfort this fall by saying goodbye to fussy layers that you have to manage in order to simply feed your baby.  Need I say more?
5. Get the dang pumpkin spice latte, okay?  😉

Most of all, remember: denying yourself basic creature comforts during new motherhood is not a trophy.  So be kind to yourself. You’ve earned it. In fact, you’re still earning it. Every day and (alas) all through the night.