1. The Sleep Regression

Sleep regressions are, in my humble blogger opinion, far and away one of the worst regressions. Just when you think life is chugging along merrily, and all your sleep woes have been overcome and climbed like a million tiny Mount Everests, suddenly there you are back at the bottom. For this, I recommend a calming lavender-mead nightcap; the lavender will help you sleep (in theory) and the honey will sweeten the overwhelming woe as you stare into the abyss of another long night.

 

2. The Potty Training Regression

This is probably a tie with sleep regression in terms of Level of Woe (LOW scale, as I’m calling it now). Months of hard work seem to suddenly swirl down the drain (or rather, maybe specifically and depressingly and frustratingly not down a drain) and you find yourself re-choreographing your whole life around something you thought was behind you (behind being a sort of a caboose-related joke about potty training; you’re welcome, dear reader!). For the frustrated mama going through potty training regression (her child’s regression that is; not hers! Although post-birth is its own sort of hell and PEE HAPPENS SOMETIMES PEOPLE)…ahem, I recommend a shot of straight whiskey, frankly. Ditch. The. Wine.

 

3. The Table Manners Regression

On the LOW scale (see above), I’ll admit that the Table Manners Regression is pretty low in comparison to some of the others. However, it’s still annoying! The other day I found myself explaining to my child that we don’t put feet on the table, and we also sit at the table until everyone is done because someday we might go to a restaurant and that’ll be what happens and that she won’t be able to skip off two seconds after finishing her applesauce just because she’s done. “Mama, I am never going to a restaurant,” she replied seriously. Honestly, that’s looking truer and truer with the table manners regression! Confession though, I did have a chuckle. For the parent going through an admittedly LOW-scaled regression like this, I recommend a nice table sangria; it’s light and fruity and not too serious for the frustration.

 

4. The “Only Wanting to read The Runaway Bunny” Regression

Look, I’m a librarian; I’d normally never complain about my kid liking a book! But can we agree that The Runaway Bunny is not exactly the most fun book to read aloud ad nauseum? And for a while, it was not the favorite book in our house. To be fair, the other favorites weren’t great either, but (and I’m really sorry Margaret Wise Brown, I truly am) this one seems to hold up as a childhood favorite when others fall out of favor. And it is just Not My Cup of Bunny Tea. Pair with a chilled white wine, also decidedly not my favorite, but maybe it’s yours, because every book has its reader, and every wine has its drinker.

 

5. The “Can I Sleep on You Like When I Was a Baby?” Regression

There is no pairing for this, because this is the most perfect regression ever, and if my child wants to snuggle like a baby while pretending to rest her head and sleep on my soft belly, well, yes! Yes you may! Forever? Please? This regression-memory-play-activity can stay, because oh my heart. Maybe pair with a cup of cocoa, a snuggle, and some sprinkles and marshmallows for you both.