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Today I Was A Bad Mom

By 2 min read

Close-up of a tired mom with wet hair and eyes closed, a leaf tattoo on her shoulder

Today I was a bad mom.

I wonder if they’ll remember all the times I said no. I wonder if they’ll hate me for yelling as much as I did. I wonder if they’ll forgive me.

From the moment we opened our eyes, the baby couldn’t be put down. Not once. Not even for one short nap. She followed me around the entire day screaming & sobbing to be held. But I needed to pick up, I needed to breathe, I needed to at least find myself a clean pair of underwear. By 3pm, I realized I hadn’t had a thing to eat yet today & my head was pounding.

The mischievous middle kid made a delicious mix of water and dog food on my kitchen table. Then he colored on his walls and floors with chalk, after I just carpet cleaned his room last night.

My oldest just wanted to sing & dance to rock and roll music, but I was so tapped out that I told him to go back upstairs, watch more TV.

We then tried to have pizza with close family, but the baby continued her screaming & the middle kiddo was in tantrum mode, so we left early.

I didn’t know what else to do, so we just drove around. I couldn’t hold the baby anymore without bursting into tears myself & I knew the boys were so sick of being in the house, so we just drove. Nowhere in particular. We drove until they fell asleep & I cried. Then I tucked them in, took a bath, & I cried.

Today I feel like an absolute failure. It was Mother’s Day & I just wanted to sleep in, receive gifts, love, relaxation. My husband had to work 12 hours, so I had ridiculously high hopes for kids that had no possible way to meet them & I took it out on them.

Today I expected too much, worried too much, yelled too much, & spent no actual time appreciating the reason for this day – being a mama to my amazing babies. Enjoying their scent, their laughter, their beautiful faces, their favorite things.

Today I was a bad mom. I’m going to really really try to make tomorrow better. To make up for today, to remind them that I love them, to let the unimportant stuff go. It’s just hard. This season of life, these little ones, this quarantine, this loneliness…it’s hard.

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6 responses

  1. Milly

    They will remember. Just as you are going through a difficult time, so are they. My children, who are now in their early 40s, none of the three of them speak to me, they’ve even taken my grandchildren away from me. They remembered my weaknesses. The days that I was a bad mom. Make it up to them now. It’s not about how you feel. It’s about raising children to respect, honor, and love.
    Children end up having selective memory is as they grow older. Please don’t allow them to have one or two bad days to be there on the selective memory. Best of luck for you and best of luck for your children. Cherish every moment, it goes away in the blink of an eye.

    Reply
    1. Noddiah

      You’re definitely allowed to have bad days. It sounds like you did more to your children than what she said.
      Its hard having three children close to age and having to watch them yourself for 12 hours at a time without your husband on mothers day. She admitted she was a bad mom, and even then I don’t think that qualifies. She’s perfectly justified having a bad day. Giving birth does not automatically make you a robot where you can’t care about how you feel for yourself and the stress you go through. You are allowed to have time to yourself and go through days like this.
      Leaving a response like this is nothing but hurtful to an already over stressed and overwhelmed mother.

      Reply
    2. Jana Buckley

      Wow that’s really harsh. Obviously we will enjoy every moment but sometimes: sometimes/ sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!! We need a shower/a nap/ food/ a second to be a stronger mama. It is unfair to be expected to be there for other people 99.9% of the time running on empty. Honestly, let people rant too because ITS GOOD FOR U. You know what’s not nice to hear? “It’s all going to be over so drop everything and be unhappy and just suck it up now. “ even if we feel dangerously tired? I know that’s not okay. I hope you take this in a nice manner. Not trying to live your life just trying to protect the author because it means a lot to me.

      Reply
    3. Jacki

      THEY WILL NOT REMEMBER.
      Author, you’re a good mama. I can tell by the way you worry about being a good mom, don’t listen to that other commenter.
      Just apologize when you snap and promise to try to be better each day than you were the day before. And on the days you just can’t stay calm for another second- give yourself some grace. Let yourself cry.
      Sending love.
      From one exhausted mama to another!

      Reply
  2. Carrie

    Just try again, I don’t believe one bad day will make your kids hate you. There are some things you just can’t control, just continue to love your children as best as you can. ❤️

    Reply
  3. Niko

    I’ve just got to hope that they will remember the thousands of good mom moments over the hard days. I had a similar day yesterday and wasn’t even home alone 12 hours. I’m not trying to make an excuse for not treating my kids as angelically as I’d hoped, but we’re human! They are human! There is power in apologizing and trying again and our kids can learn from that. I don’t think being expected to have zero bad days is realistic as a mom. The best we can do is learn from the hard days, continue to tell and show our children we love them the best we can, and give ourselves grace and a chance to try again tomorrow. Being a momma is HARD and I think you’re probably doing much better than you think.

    Reply

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